Page 51 of I Am the Storm

"So, Cole has done evil things?" I ask.

She shrugs. "I suppose it depends on how you define evil. Many religions would argue that disobedience against their god or their god's laws is evil. But then great suffering has been wrought by those very same religions. One could conceivably argue that they perpetrated more evil than they cured. A more hedonistic view of good and evil equates those states with pleasure and pain. Pleasure is good. Pain is evil. Therefore, one must spend their life in pursuit of what brings pleasure. This, of course, can create problems. If what causes me pleasure by its very nature requires someone else to suffer, am I doing good or evil?"

She pauses, and I shift in my chair, trying to wrap my mind around it all. "Should motives matter?" I ask. "If the motive is pure, does that justify evil deeds? If a few must be sacrificed for many more to live, is that evil or good?"

"I cannot say." Matilda leans forward, stoking the fire. "The balance of our acts and our intentions must be weighed by something far wiser than myself. I just know I have lived a very long life, and it will be longer still, and what I have seen of all creatures, human and otherwise, is that there will never be a consensus on what is truly right or wrong, good or evil. For that would require all species of beings to agree on what the primary objective of life is. Is it to be happy? To live well? To leave the world better than you found it? And what does that look like? Better for whom? Who decides what happiness means? What does 'better' even mean? And so, we must all muddle along, my dear. We must all make the best choices we can with the information we have about ourselves and the world, and self-correct along the way. Perhaps, the whole point of it all isn't to be good or even happy, but to continue learning. Perhaps, we are here to evolve, nothing more or less."

"There is darkness in me," I say. "I can see it now. I can feel it. And it makes me want to do things I used to believe were wrong. It makes me want to punish people who cause others harm. My brain says I should follow the appropriate paths for justice. Work within the system. But I know the system—all systems everywhere—are inherently corrupt. I know true justice—whatever that even is—will never really be accomplished. But if we all start enacting our own brand of justice based on our personal moral compasses, chaos will ensue. However, if we keep working within a corrupt system without challenging it, complacency will ensue and those who are disadvantaged by the system will always be so. I don't know the right answer."

She reaches over and takes my hand in hers. "And you may never know. There may not be 'the right answer' as you say, only what is the best choice in any given moment, which may not be the best choice in the next moment." She searches my face and smiles. "Find your balance. Do not let any one element within you become too dominate against the others, and you will find your way."

I look at my cup and realize it's empty. I yawn and stand. "Thank you."

She nods, staring into the fire. "He is in pain," she says after a moment.

"Who?" I ask.

"Cole. He is in pain. He will hurt others in his pain, but there is love in him, too." She looks up at me and smiles. "You can trust his love."

With a lightness of heart after talking to Matilda, I rejoin Cole in bed, curling my body into his, trusting his love. And knowing that life inherently holds pain, so we must hold onto to the joy when we have it.

* * *

Over the next week,we discuss the various ways to mount a proper defense for Liam. The ball was a bust and did not yield an egg or any leads. The Beggar Queen raised more questions than answers. And time is running out, as Derek keeps reminding us.

"I dug deeper into the basilisk guard who was found dead," Elijah says one morning over breakfast. "As I suspected, she had some skeletons in the closet. More specifically, skeletons in the dungeon. She has a brother serving hard time there."

"How would she have been allowed to work for Ava'Kara in such a sensitive position with a convicted criminal for a brother?" I ask, taking a bite of my egg on toast. "I would think the water dragon would do a thorough background check for anyone she let in her inner circle."

"She would have," Elijah says. "I had to use… controversial methods to discover this. And it wasn't easy."

I raise an eyebrow at that but don't press further. "We should pay this brother a visit, then," I say, glancing at Sebastian.

He nods. "Grab your cloak. We can go now."

On the way to the prison, Sebastian pulls out a leather-bound book and opens it. "Elijah made notes. Ethne Brinn's brother is named Lester Cornch. It looks like Ethne changed her last name to distance herself from her family. Their parents are deceased, as was previously indicated, but their deaths are a mystery. So is Lester's reason for conviction." He closes the notebook. "It's not much to go one, but maybe he can give us some ideas about who Ethne might have been working with and why."

I nod and lean back, closing my eyes. "We have to catch a break soon," I say softly, worried at what might happen to Liam, to this family, if we don't.

Sebastian takes my hand and squeezes it. "We will."

He's silent a moment, and when he speaks again, he sounds… unsure of himself, which is unusual for the earth Druid. "I noticed you have been spending a lot of time with Cole," he says.

I open my eyes and look at him. "Yes."

"This isn't about jealousy. I swear. We aren't like humans in that way. This is…just be careful, Eve. Cole is dangerous."

"Everyone in this world is dangerous," I remind him. "Including me."

"That's not what I mean. He's manipulative. Conniving. And I'm still not convinced his motives for being here are pure."

"I'll be careful," I promise him.

"That's all I ask. I…" he pauses. "I know I haven't been the most aggressive in pursuing you. Liam is all fire and passion and Cole…well, he's Cole. I've wanted to give you your space. Time to heal. Time to process all you've been through. But please know, Eve, that what I feel for you has been growing since the day we met on the subway. Since the moment I saw that portrait you drew of me."

His words make my heart beat faster and when he reaches over to caress my face, my stomach fills with butterflies. He leans over and kisses me tenderly, then pulls away. "I'm not going to push myself on you, but that doesn't me I don't want you. I want you more than I've ever wanted anything. But only when you're ready."

Dear god. I'm ready now, I want to tell him, but the carriage stops, and I realize we have arrived at the prison, so I just nod and smile and promise myself we will finish this conversation later.