Page 54 of Texas Kissing

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t think it’s silly. I love it.” And I squeezed his hand. It was true—Ididlove it. The sun felt amazing on my bare arms, like I was sucking up all my vitamin D for the entire year. I was only just starting to realize how starved of fresh air I’d been, cooped up in the bus. Fresh air andlife.Sure, the fair was incredibly country and kind of cheesy, but it wasreal.Realpeople with real lives, not the shadows and ghosts I hung around with, with their dual identities and fake passports. I didn’t know anyone, but Bull knew everybody and introduced me to them all.Proudly.And that made me feel amazing. I remembered how good it felt to smile.

I want to bottle this,I thought.So I can drink it when I’m back on the bus on my own.

I suddenly realized what I was thinking and the shock of it made me stumble, pulling on Bull’s hand. If it had been any other guy, we both would have gone down in a heap. But this was Bull and I might as well have pulled on a bulldozer. His warm, strong grip held me up until I got my feet under me, and he just gave me a puzzled smile. I gave him a sheepish grin and we joined the line.

I’d been assuming it was going to end.

I’d been assuming that this was just temporary, that sooner or later I’d go back to my old life—on my own, with no one to protect me, no one to love me...no one even knowing I existed.

I squeezed Bull’s hand.The hell with that.I’d found something good and I was going to cling the hell onto it.

A nagging voice in my head told me that, if this was really going to work, I’d have to share everything with him.Everything.Including my past.

No. No way. Not that.My stomach twisted into a cold knot.It could still work, right?I could just keep that one secret, that one part of me—maybe the most important part—hidden away from him, but be honest about everything else.

“I’m allergic to radishes,” I blurted.

He blinked at me several times. “Okay,” he saidslowly. “Duly noted.”

“When I was six, I lied and said the dog knocked a can of paint all over the rug, but really it was me.”

Now he turned to me, concerned. “Lily, what’s—”

He stopped when he saw my face, eyes wide and desperate.

It wasn’t going to work. There was no amount of trivial shit I could tell him that would make up for lying to him about the big one. If I really wanted this to work, I had to level with him about my uncle. But I couldn’t. Once he knew I was running, he’d want me to stop. And there was only one way to stop—to go back to New York and testify. To revisit everything I’d locked away in a dark corner of my mind and confront the monster I’d escaped. And even if I could face doing that, I’d have to go into witness protection. I’d never see Bull again.

No. Fucking. Way.

“Nothing,” I told him. I took a deep breath and pushed the nagging voice in my head deep, deep down inside. “I was just being silly.”

He nodded doubtfully and I squeezed his hand.

The guy running the ride showed us into a car and put the safety bar down across our laps. I’d been so distracted by what was happening in my head that I’d forgotten to be scared. As the car lurched into the air, rocking forward and back, I made up for lost time.

“Wow,” said Bull happily. “This is really...yeah.”

He was obviously loving every minute of it. I gave him my best grin. “Yeah. Awesome!”

We rose higher into the air. The ground fell away, the people becoming toys and then blobs. The wheel suddenly seemed much, much bigger than it had from down below and we weren’t even a quarter of the wayaround, yet.

“Look,” said Bull. “You can see the greased pig pens.”

I followed his finger and saw dark blobs in cowboy hats chasing after a smaller pink blob. Then I was looking downon topof tents and my stomach lurched. I clung onto the safety rail, knuckles white.

“You okay?” asked Bull. His voice was oddly tight. I guess he was worried about me.

“Fine,” I said. “Just excited.”

We reached the top of the circuit...and stopped. My eyes bulged. Bull and I looked at each other.

“That’s normal,” he told me.

“Right. Yeah. You’re probably right.”

“To give us time to enjoy the view,” he explained.