Page 49 of Covert Operation

Another stab bites through me, this one cut out of pain for a woman I’ll never know. A woman who felt what I’ve felt. Faced what I’ve faced.

And it was too much to bear.

I can see how it happened. Had more than a few days where life was too much and I just wanted it all to stop. I wanted to finally be able to forget what happened. But I couldn’t do that to Sadie. Couldn’t leave her with that kind of pain, feeling like she failed?—

Oh God.

The dinner I enjoyed so much creeps up, threatening to spill all over the beautiful balcony. The pain I felt for Kendra—the woman Zeke clearly loved—was nothing compared to the agony I’m facing now. “When did this happen?”

“Over a decade ago.”

A decade? A DECADE? He’s been suffering with this guilt for a decade?

“That’s why you help women.” I close my eyes, trying to steady my voice. “You want to save us the way you couldn’t save her.”

“No.” Zeke shakes his head, the movement rocking mine. “I know I can’t save you.” He leans back, one finger resting under my chin, lifting until I meet his gaze. “I’m just hoping I can help you save yourself.”

TWENTY

ZEKE

I HAVEN’T TALKED about Kendra in years. There was no one to talk about her with.

I probably shouldn’t have brought her up now. I don’t want to burden Savannah with my own awful fucking story. She has enough of her own suffering to face, the last thing she needs is to see mine.

But when she asked me what happened, it all came pouring out. The pieces of my pain falling one by one as she held onto me. Like she thought she could hold them all together.

I’m not convinced she was wrong.

“You’re right.” Savanna holds my gaze. “You make me feel safe enough I can be brave.” She gives me a hesitant smile. “You hold the space while I prove I’m strong.” Her eyes move over my face. “You keep me steady while I try to find my balance again.” Her hands come to my face, resting a palm on each of my cheeks. “I’m saving myself, but you’re right behind me, ready to catch me when I fall.”

Her eyes dip to my mouth, the tip of her tongue darting out to wet her lips as she pauses. “I didn’t like it when you left. When you were here and I was all the way in Alaska. I felt so alone.” Her gaze returns to mine. “And then when I saw you covered in blood…” She pulls in a breath like she’s about to say more.

Instead she pushes up on her toes and presses her mouth right against mine.

I freeze, shocked. My brain shorts out, unable to process what’s happening.

But then Savannah’s hands fall from my face, her arms lacing around my neck as her fingers dig into the hair at my nape and her soft body presses flush to mine. When her tongue slicks against the seam of my lips, I’m gone, unable to find even a tiny bit of the control I know I possess.

I lace a hand in the soft strands of her dark hair, using the other to pin her against me as I get my first taste of her. She’s just as sweet as I would have expected, and it makes me want more. Need more.

I turn our bodies and pin her against the railing, claiming her mouth as I breathe in her scent.

“Mommy, what is that man doing to that lady?”

I stiffen, the world coming back into focus around me as I lift my head to find a little boy standing practically level with us on the walkway that winds through the trees and waterfalls. His face is all scrunched up in disgust and one accusing finger is pointed right at me. Where the fuck was this kid five minutes ago when I needed to hear that question?

WhatamI doing to Savannah? Nothing acceptable, that’s for fucking sure.

I back away from her, one hand raking through my hair as my eyes go anywhere but to her. “I should go call Isaac. Touch base. Make sure everything’s okay.”

The words aren’t even all the way out of my mouth before I’m turning tail, running away like the fucking coward I am. I should apologize for what just happened. Tell her how sorry I am.

Except, I’m not sorry. And that’s a huge fucking problem.

I manage to have enough sense to grab a room key before stalking out into the hallway, refusing to look back as the door closes behind me. If I see Savannah, there’s no telling what I might do. Especially if her skin is flushed the way it sometimes is.

I assumed the blush was from embarrassment. Now I’m wondering if it was something else pinking up her pretty skin.