Page 84 of Covert Operation

SAVANNAH

“THAT’S NOT SOMETHING I would have expected from him.” Sadie frowns down at the plate of leftover syrniki. “I didn’t even know Zeke could cook.”

“He can’t.” That’s the most significant reason I’m still smiling an hour after Zeke and the rest of Shadow left to investigate a building an hour outside of Nashville.

“I can vouch for that.” Jamison snags one of the pancakes, shoving the entire thing into his mouth the same way Zeke did. His brows lift as he chews. “They’re not bad though, are they?”

“They’re perfect.” Are they a little gummy in the middle? Maybe. But who cares? Not only did Zeke remember an offhand comment I made in passing, he also stepped all the way out of his comfort zone to give me something he knew I’d like.

Something that would matter.

“Ugh.” Sadie rolls her eyes. “You’re just saying that because he’s obsessed with you.”

“He’s not any more obsessed with me than I am with him.” I jump right to Zeke’s defense. “And why does it matter anyway?”

Sadie’s expression softens. “Because I don’t want you to get hurt. You’ve been through so much, and I don’t want anything slowing down your progress.”

I take a deep breath, trying to calm my irritation. It doesn’t work. “The only person slowing down my progress is you.” I’ve been avoiding this moment. Trying to walk the line between keeping the peace between us and drawing lines I might never be able to cross again. But I won’t let Sadie infer that Zeke is bad for me.

My sister’s eyes open wide. “Me?”

“Yes, you.” I manage to lower my voice before saying, “I know you think I’m going to be the person I was before, but I’m not. And you need to stop expecting me to.”

Sadie’s eyes move over my face. “I thought you would want to be the person you were.” She steps toward me. “I liked who you were.”

“So did I.” I was happy with my life. With my place in the world. It’s no longer an option though. “But I like who I am now too.”

Not in a way that’s better, just in a way that’s different. I’m not as carefree and innocent as I was before Ivan and his group abducted me to use me against my sister in the hope she would help them smuggle things into Russia the same way she smuggled people out. The world doesn’t look the same. What I want and like has changed. What Ivan did altered me on a fundamental basis.

And maybe that’s the problem. Not how I’m different. But why.

I study my sister for a second before offering some honesty I should have given her a long time ago. “I don’t blame you for what happened to me.”

Sadie’s chin wobbles as she pulls in a breath. “You should.”

I shake my head. “No. I shouldn’t.” Reaching out, I rest my hands on her shoulders. “If I blame you, then I also have to blame myself. I should have realized what he was doing before it was too late.”

Ivan lured me right in and I was too naive to see him for what he really was. A snake. A manipulator. A criminal and a narcissist. His whole goal was to use me in whatever way he could. Ultimately, that’s what I fed into. What I turned against him to escape.

“None of that was your fault.” Sadie’s voice breaks. “It was all mine. I thought I was too smart. Too careful.” A tear slides down her cheek. “I was wrong, and you paid the price.”

“And I would tell you to do it again. To make sure you saved all those women and children from ending up like our mother.”

I will never be grateful to Ivan, not ever. But at least my suffering wasn’t in vain.

Sadie smooths down my hair, sniffing as she blinks away the tears lining her eyes. “You’re a better person than I am then, because if I had to do it all over again, I would change everything.”

MY HEART SKIPS a beat when the phone on the island starts to ring. Already, I know what that sound means, and my body reacts on a visceral level.

Never would I have thought helping someone else would help me so much, but it does. I understand why Zeke does it. Why Sadie does it.

I hold my breath as Lydia talks to whoever’s on the other end of the line. It’s an odd feeling to hope it’s a wrong number while also being ready to spring into action if it’s not.

When Lydia takes down an address, my adrenaline starts to pump, sending me to my feet. By the time she hangs up the phone, my boots and coat are on and Maddox is strapping on his weapons.

“This should be a pretty easy pickup.” Lydia grabs her own coat as we head for the door. “No risk her boyfriend will show up while we’re there, so that’s good.”

“Do you want me to call Sadie and Jamison?” I ask as she slips on her shoes.