Page 103 of Ransom

"Do they think of you like a dad?"

"Sometimes. I didn't want that. I wanted us all to be on an equal footing, but it didn't turn out that way." His voice holds a note of resignation.

"They look up to you. You take care of them. That's what a parent does." I know something about that, watching Max while Maggie's sick.

"I'm not that much older than them." He sounds almost defensive.

"Doesn't matter. You took on the role. You did the work. You earned the title."

"Maybe. I didn't—" he cuts himself off, scowling, his jaw tightening.

"You didn't what?"

"I didn't want to be separate. I wanted to be a part of it. I took on the leadership role because I was the oldest, and I had a skillset I could use to build something for us. But I didn't mean for it to make me separate."

"Are you, though? Do they treat you like a dad? Do they roll their eyes at you? Do they keep things from you?"

"No, it's not like that. But they do treat me a little differently." He rubs the back of his neck, a gesture I'm starting to recognize as discomfort.

"With respect?"

"We all respect each other."

"Right, but you are the guy that gave them the life they're living now, aren't you? It was you pulling it all together?"

"I guess." He says it like he's never really thought about it that way.

"So they love and respect you. And let's face it, you did raise them. They might not have been little kids, but you understand better than anyone what a strong male role model can do for a teenager. Was it hard? Raising a bunch of teenagers?"

"So hard," he breathes, groaning. "At any moment, at least one of them was in some sort of emotional spiral. I spent so many years chasing after them."

"And you had nine of them to worry about?"

"Eight. John was doing his own thing. He didn't officially join us until a couple of years ago." His fingers flex against my back as we turn the corner toward town. What is it about his hand on my back that makes me feel so feminine? It’s a weird feeling. I think I like it though.

"Holy Crap. Eight? I'm exhausted trying to convince Max to put his pajamas on and to get his hand off his dick. The secondhis pants are off, he grabs it, like he needs to make sure it didn't go anywhere. Like it might fucking run off." The words tumble out before I can stop them.

Ransom's laugh comes from deep in his chest. It warms the space between us. Hell, it warms me right down to my toes, making me want to lean closer.

"There was a lot of naked at our apartment, but less of the dick grabbing." He pauses, looking thoughtful, his eyes distant with memory. "There was a lot of measuring. They kept a record book."

"Are you serious?" I wait for his nod, watching his lips twitch with suppressed laughter. "Jesus, boys are fucking weird."

"You have no idea." His voice holds years of stories I suddenly want to hear. What did he worry about in the dark of the night? What made him laugh the hardest? Which brother made him want to tear his hair out? We've missed so much. How many years will it take us to catch up?

Hell. I’m thinking about the future and this ‘date’ has barely started.

"You sound happy when you talk about the past."

"I am happy. It was a lot of work, but it was also a lot of fun." His smile dies as he looks at me, regret filling his gaze.

"Don't do that," I say, stepping closer. We're in the middle of the sidewalk on Main Street, just a couple of doors from the diner. But the sidewalk is empty; we have all the privacy we need for this conversation. "You love your life and the people in it. That’s okay. It's good even. I never wanted you to be out there alone. I always hoped that you had a family. That you were loved. Even when I hated you, I wanted the best for you."

He gazes down at me, eyes so, so serious. "Until last year, I always imagined you had a husband and kids, that your life was filled with family and love."

"My life is filled with family and love. Just not that way."

"Do you regret it? Do you wish you'd had kids of your own?" His gaze is searching, intense, and I know a lot hinges on my answer, but I don't understand why. What answer is he looking for?