Page 73 of Ransom

She scowls. "Why is that such a horrible idea? Do you hate this place that much? Were we really so horrible to you when you lived here?"

How do I explain to her the reality of my life back then? I glossed over most of it when we were kids, but maybe this new version of Maggie can understand in the way the old Maggie couldn't. That Maggie didn't see all the pain in the world. She didn't see the darkness. But now, she's standing on the edge of the fucking abyss.

"I tried to kill myself twice the year after my family died." Her body shudders, and then she's holding my hand with both of hers. There's still strength there, still warmth, and I let myself accept her comfort. "Losing my family nearly destroyed me. And this town helped me heal. I found a family here. I was loved. And walking away nearly destroyed me again."

"Then why did you fucking leave!"

"I didn't have a choice."

"I don't buy that. Not for a second." Maggie's jaw clenches, a furrow between her brows. The familiar fire flashes in her eyes, despite the pallor of her skin.

"It was the responsible choice. I did it for Blair. And I don't know that I could have done anything differently back then. I'm not sharing the why, Mags. That's not something you get to have. But I'm asking you to believe me when I tell you that I had to go." She looks like she wants to argue, but thankfully sees something on my face that stops her.

"But I don't get why being here now is so bad."

"I promised myself I would never let another family go. In Chicago, all of my brothers and I live in the same building. We work together. I make sure we're tight. And I won't risk losing them. I have to hold my family together. And I can't do that from this town."

She stares at me, mouth open, for a long minute. She tugs her hands away, dropping them into her lap as she slowly shakes her head. "Jesus. I thought you were smarter than that."

Her words are like a physical punch, shoving me back in my seat. "What do you mean?"

"God, Ransom. Families don't have to live on top of each other to stay connected. The city's two hours away. It's not across a fucking ocean. Are you really telling me that with all your money, you couldn't figure out a way to make it work? I bet you even own a helicopter. You could commute to work like the fucking billionaire you are."

"It's not like that. We have dinners together. We hang out on the weekends. I babysit my niece and nephew. I get to be a part of all of it. Moving away from them means I'd miss important moments." I've lost two families. I can't let us fall apart.

"That's great," she says flatly, looking over my shoulder. "So you should go back to them, then. Get in your car now, and go. So you can be a part of their lives, instead of living your own."

Fuck, she's not pulling any punches. When did she get so mean?

I shove down the little niggling thought at the back of my head, that maybe she's right. "That's fucking harsh, Maggie."

She just shrugs. "That's basically what you're saying. It doesn't matter that you still have feelings for Blair. You care more about your family. That's your choice to make. It's a respectable choice, even. No one's going to fault you for being there for your family. Blair's tough. And she has the people in this town to support her when the time comes. So you can leave with a clear conscience."

"Just like that? Just pick up and go? After everything that's happened, you think it's that simple?"

"You've apologized, Blair's forgiven you. What else is there to do here? You've got your closure, your clean slate. Isn't that what you came for?"

"What about you? You're dying, Maggie." My voice cracks on the words, and I hate how helpless I feel. Just like when myfamily died, I'm watching someone I care about slip away, and there might not be anything I can do about it. It doesn't matter that I haven't seen her in years. She was my friend. She was good to me. And the idea of her not being here in a few months is fucking unacceptable.

"Yeah. Well, that's not new either. And I don't need you. Neither does Blair. So, go." Her words are like ice, sharp and cold and cutting right through me.

There it is. Blair's going to be fine. She said so. This should be my cue to get the fuck out of this town.

"I can't," I admit, the words torn from somewhere deep in my chest, raw and honest in a way I haven't let myself be in years. "I can't walk away from her again. This is exactly why I shouldn't have come here. It's just like back then, maybe worse. She's in my fucking bones, Maggie. I don't know how to get her out. Every time I look at her, every time she speaks, it's like no time has passed at all."

"Sounds painful," she says dryly, looking at me like she's over this conversation. I can't blame her. I'm over myself too. Why the fuck is this shit so complicated? I get what she's saying. Logically, it makes sense. My family's not going anywhere. I get it.

But my gut rolls at the idea of not being near them. It's codependent as fuck, but there you have it.

"Were you always this annoying?"

She shrugs and sips her coffee. The silence between us gets thicker and thicker. I'm the one that cracks first.

"She could never love me again, anyway," I mutter.

"You're probably right."

"It would be stupid to even try. There's no point in exploring those feelings."