Page 4 of Willow
A few hours later, when Cadence is fast asleep, I finally sit down to eat. It’s some sort of casserole and I’ve no doubt it was delicious when it was still fresh. Now, it’s dry and tasteless since it’s been warming for so long. I’m grateful that Anna actually thought to leave me anything. I hate to waste food, but I toss it in the garbage since I’ve no appetite. I’m exhausted and I know I won’t be falling asleep anytime soon. It’s been an ongoing battle since bringing Cadence home from the hospital. Staying awake allows me to check on her several times a night. A habit that’s so hard to break. All of her doctors have assured me that she’s doing well. That I have nothing to worry about. I wonder, though. Would they feel the same if it were their child? I think not.
What I really want is a stiff drink. Perhaps a glass of Jim Beam would do the trick. Take the edge off, if only for tonight. Two fingers without too much of a kick.
After loosening my tie, I rip it off and throw it over the winged-back chair. I stride over to the mahogany bar, grab a crystal glass and bottle, and with trembling hands pour myself a drink. I inhale the crisp, smooth scent of oak, malt, and spices. My mouth’s watering for a taste after a long day. My mind’s screaming at me to stop!
Slamming the glass on top of the bar, I grip the edge and hold on tight. I’ve no idea what I was thinking. I’m responsible for that child sleeping in the other room, and for that reason alone, I can’t drink. Tonight or any night. What the ever loving fuck was I thinking?
Grabbing some paper towels from behind the bar, I quickly clean up my mess. I rinse out the glass, wipe it down, and place it where it belongs. Since having a drink is out of the question, I walk into my bedroom, strip, and step into the shower.
As I’m washing my body, I try conjuring up a few erotic images so I can stroke my cock. I’m hoping a release will help me relax so I can get some shut-eye. Nothing. I got nothing. Until my mind wanders to a certain someone who shall remain nameless. She’s the last woman I should be thinking about on her knees at my feet with her mouth wrapped around my cock. Too late. I begin stroking with her name on my lips. It doesn’t take long before I blow my load all over her luscious tits. Hypothetically, of course. She’s younger than me by fifteen years and one of my employees whom—I realize now—I should stay far away from.
3
WILLOW
After I hadmymeltdown yesterday, Trevor and I went to grab a bite to eat. Just some roadside joint that took us over an hour to find, but it was nice to get out of the house. It’s been way too long since it was just the two of us. And the fresh air was a welcome change. He didn’t ask any questions, and I didn’t feel the need to explain. He’s seen me at my worst. He knows if I want to talk, he’s my go-to person. Anyway, I think what happened yesterday was self-explanatory. No need for an interrogation.
Today, well, it’s a whole new ballgame. The plans that Trevor had for yesterday were canceled until today, so once again I’m trying to keep busy. I should be thrilled I have a few more weeks before going out on the road again, but under normal circumstances the band would be jamming and all would be peachy. Unfortunately, now that Lucas has Abby and Jet has Quinn, there’s no room for little ole me. And, I refuse to do random hookups just to get off. I can handle that all by myself. I could go for a run but it won’t be the same without Jet running side by side with me. It’s not that I mind doing things by myself, it’s just that he keeps me motivated and in check. Always pushing me forward to do a little more, to the point where we’d have angry sex once we were back at his apartment. Oh, angry sex was the best.
Am I angry right now? Yes and no. I’m happy that Lucas and Jet met their significant others, but I’m a creature of habit and hate change. I love thatThe Sinful Sevenis doing remarkably well, and hate that our fame has changed everything. Our relationships, lives, and even our friendships. I just need to realize that through change comes growth, and that’s what I’m going through right now.
“She's resilient enough to change her course in the midst of the storm.”Those lyrics need to be my mantra going forward.
So, pulling up my big girl panties, I throw on my running gear, shoes, and ear buds and head out the door. It will do me a world of good to do something for me for a change.
Choosing my favorite playlist, I pull the brim of my hat down, adjust my sunglasses, and off I go. Running down the same terrain that I have been for so many years. It’s freeing, and I embrace every second. Why didn’t I do this sooner? Oh yeah. I’ve been busy making music, records, and touring.
I concentrate on every step, the pounding of my feet and my breathing. Singing along to the tunes that are blaring in my ears. Creating an ambience that only a rocker like me could relate to.
Veering off to the left, I run down the secluded trail that I found so many years ago. It’s a bit overgrown, and I need to watch my step so I don’t stumble. The last thing I want to do is sprain my ankle and try to explain to the paramedics where the hell I am. I’d be totally screwed.
I’m lip syncing to the songs and in the zone when something brushes against my arm. I’m about to fucking scream, thinking it’s a bear or something when laughing blue eyes lock on mine. Jet! The fucking jerk.
If you thought I was angry when I left the house, you haven’t seen anything yet. We both screech to a halt, and the first thing I do is start hitting him. Arms, chest, his head—anything I can come into contact with—and he doesn’t try to stop me. It’s like someone flipped my switch when in the next minute I’m sobbing like a child. Strong arms wrap around my trembling body while I bawl in the middle of the woods. Jet won’t let me go when I try wiggling out of his arms.
What the hell just happened?
Pulling my ear buds out, I stuff them in my pocket and get ready to give him a piece of my mind. He beats me to it. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you, I just wanted you to know you’re not alone.” I can’t do this right now, I just can’t.
“You scared the fucking shit out of me, Jet!” He does look remorseful, and now that my adrenaline is waning, I feel bad that I hit him. Like a million times. “Well, I’m sorry I hit you, so we’re even. Why are you here?”
“I thought a run would feel good, but I didn’t know I’d get beaten up by a crazy woman.” He uses his index finger to lift my chin, and the tears threaten again. “What’s this really about, Willow? Yeah, I scared you, but I’ve never seen you come unhinged like this.”
Years of built-up anger, resentment, and betrayal come rushing through my veins and I explode. “I’m angry. So fucking angry that everyone has moved on except me. I paint a smile on my face, pretend everything is the shit, when I’m dying inside. It wasn’t that long ago when I was in your shoes. I too had the love of my life and we were so fucking happy, and in a heartbeat it was snatched away. My heart was ripped out of my fucking chest right before my eyes and I couldn’t save him. How would you feel if it were Quinn?”
“I’d kill the motherfucker with my bare hands and ask questions later. Look, I know the last thing you want to hear is how strong and resilient you are. So I won’t bother.” He did that on purpose. I can tell by his brilliant smile. “My god, Willow. I hope you know that if you ever need anyone to talk to, I’m your man. I promise I’ll always be here for you, twenty-four seven. With that said, that was the first and last beating I’ll let you get away with. Lucas would be a much better candidate.” Oh my god. What was I thinking?
“For what it’s worth, I don’t plan on beating anyone up. I took my wrath out on you and for that I apologize. I’m happy for you and Quinn, I truly am, it just happened so fast and I guess I wasn’t ready to let go just yet. Other than Trevor, you’ve always been my guy to lean on. For everything. I know that’s all changed and I need to accept it.”
“I’ll always be here for you, Willow. Always. The only thing that’s really changed is the friends with benefits part. As far as the rest, it’s all up to you whether you want to take the leap again or hide. Your father can’t hurt you anymore if you don’t let him. Remember that.”
I nod, closing in for a hug, but he pulls back with a shit-eating grin on his face. “Race you to theHungry Dog Diner!” And with that, he’s off.
“You cheated!” I swear I hear laughter as I watch him sprint until he’s out of sight. Deep down, I know he’s right. He’ll always be here for me. They all will. It’s just me and my insecurities creeping up on me again. This time, I won’t let them win!
* * *
CALEB