Page 96 of Burned & Bound
“I don’t know how,” I repeated.
“Have you considered therapy?”
“No.” I didn’t want to consider therapy. I could barely handle AA. The idea of sitting down and telling someone all my crap? That shit would be the end of me.And for what?It wouldn’t fix me. Nothing could.
“I have some great resources if you want them,” Bobby said.What was the nice way to say thanks but I wasn’t about to do a tell-all with some fucking stranger?“I know the idea of it is daunting, but therapy can be extremely beneficial.”
I said nothing because I didn’t have a clue what to say. I was beyond anyone’s help.
CHAPTER 65
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Itook his horsesaway, which I knew made me an asshole. While I understood his need to drink—especially on a day like that—I had to stick to my guns about the fucking consequences. He needed to be sober when dealing with the horses. It was the safe thing to do.
But all of that didn’t make me feel any less like a complete dick for taking away the one thing that brought him peace of mind.
“Don’t you get huffy with me,” I grumped as Thunder Jack stomped in the dirt. I stood outside the stable with Zeus and Thunder Jack both saddled and ready to leave whenever West came back from his meeting. The fact that he was an hour late and wasn’t answering his phone put me on edge. I didn’t want to think the worst, but I also didn’t know what to think.
I heard the crunch of West’s truck over the gravel and dirt long before he ever came into view. Hands in my pockets, I slowly wandered in his direction as his truck rolled along the back of the one stable where he always parked. Even with him living in my house, he still kept his truck here. I triednot to dwell on it too much, hoping that one day he’d feel comfortable enough to move all his shit over to my house.
“Is there a reason you have my horse saddled?” he asked.
“Thought you and I could go for a ride before dinner,” I told him.
“Oh.” West blew out a slow breath of air, looking uncomfortable as all hell.
“It’s fine. We don’t have—”
“I ate dinner already with Bobby,” he said over me.Who the fuck was Bobby?And why the hell was West having dinner with someone else? I didn’t like the spike of jealousy. “My sponsor. I had dinner after my meeting with my sponsor.”
Leave it to me to be jealous of his sponsor.
“Oh. Your sponsor.” I nodded like I already knew that shit. Truth be told, West hadn’t told me a damn thing about his meetings let alone anything about his sponsor. And I wasn’t entirely sure if it was my place to ask or not. “That’s good. That’s good. I’m glad to hear that.”
“Yeah. I could probably be fucking convinced to go for a ride with you though,” he replied. I couldn’t help but laugh.
“When the hell would you ever say no to going for a ride?”
“See?” His lips quirked ever so slightly. “I could be convinced.”
There were moments when he was on the back of a horse that West looked free. Free of his demons. Free of his insecurities. Free of his pain. With his head tipped back, with the wind in his hair, with his body completely at ease.
Those moments were ones I clung to even as they wrapped around my heart like barbed wire. I knew they were fleeting. I would’ve given anything to bottle that feeling up and keep it for him.
“I’m sorry,” West said softly, pulling me from my thoughts. We wandered around the ranch on our horses, lazy and pointless.
“You ain’t got a damn thing to be sorry for, West,” I replied. “You—”
“No, I do,” he cut me off. “And I need you to stop letting me off the fucking hook just because you feel sorry for me.”
“I’m pretty fucking sure I’m the asshole who took your job away until you went to a goddamn meeting,” I shot back. “I wouldn’t qualify that as letting you off the fucking hook. Your actions have consequences, even if they come from a crappy place. I’ll hold your ass accountable—especially where the horses are concerned—but I ain’t about to be pissed at you and fight with you over a bad moment.”
“I don’t want you to feel sorry for me.”
“Well, lucky you,” I drawled, “because I don’t. I don’t feel sorry for you, West. I’m pissed about what happened to you, I’m pissed about what people didn’t do to protect you when we were kids, and honestly, I’m a little fucking pissed I didn’t know about all of what was happening to you until now. And before you get upset about those things, if roles were reversed, you’d be pissed too.”
“I would,” West admitted. I glanced at him as he fell silent. His lips were pressed together in a tight line and his brows furrowed as he focused pointedly on the horizon. “Do you remember growing up and thinking we’d live and die by this ranch?”