Page 62 of Choices

Hannah

Thank God for Door Dash. After the boys took care of Alan, and Matty worshiped me in bed, I ordered door dash to get me every type of thick, covering foundation in every tone they had to cover the black eye before the kids came back from the mall with Amelia.

Aiden saw through the foundation, and Viv and Jack asked about my lip but I waved them off and blamed myself for being clumsy. They didn't need to know the world is a dangerous place. Or that their father had beaten their mother.

I sat them all at the dining room table with bowls of ice cream before breaking the news.

"You guys, your father and I are getting a divorce. I'm sure you've noticed how unhappy we've seemed together. Sometimes people marry with all the best intentions, but over time it just doesn't work out. I hope you know that we both love you all very much, though. Unfortunately, you won't be able to see much of your dad during this process. How do you feel about that?" I ask, bracing for the impact.

My three angels take turns looking at each other, silently communicating in that sibling way.

"Is it bad that I'm kind of happy about it?" Aiden finally pipes up, leading the emotions in the room. I sigh.

"None of this is bad, or good. And you're allowed to feel exactly how you feel. Tomorrow you might feel one way, and that's okay, too. If you guys ever need to speak to me privately, or ask me questions, or just want to vent, I'm here for you."

"He wasn't around much anyway." Jack pipes up. I nod. Besides the occasional, tense, family dinner and forced functions, Alan really hadn't been a part of their lives in a long time.

"Viv?"

"Does that mean I can see Santi more?"

I smile. "Yes. I imagine that means the boys will be hanging out more often. How do you three feel about that?"

"Matty's fun! I like him." Jack pipes up.

I look to Aiden. He gives me a look like he wants to talk privately later. I give him a subtle nod.

After baths and books, I tuck in the youngest two, who didn't seem phased at all by my divorce declaration. Honestly, not much is going to change in their lives except for three new friends. And they looked forward to that.

I sit on the edge of Aiden's bed and place my hand on his knee. I know he's got a lot on his mind, and he's a deeply feeling kid, so I need him to know that I'll always be there for him.

"Did he hit you?" He asks quietly. I can't lie to my kid.

"Yes."

"Did it hurt?"

"Yes."

"Why did he do it?"

I sigh. "He didn't take the idea of the divorce well. He took it as a personal attack, I guess. That I was offending him somehow. I really don't know, Aid. I couldn't imagine being angry enough to hit anyone, so I can't tell you what his thought process was."

Aiden's thoughtful for a moment.

"Are you dating Rico, Matty, and Santiago?"

I think carefully about my answer. "No. But I like them. And maybe Iwould like to date them in the future. Does that bother you? I'm not going to force anybody in our lives that you don't want there. I'm not saying I'll stop seeing them because they make me so very happy. But I understand if that's a hard line for you and I won't bring them around. I won't force you to be their friend."

"You can do that? Date three people at once? Isn't that cheating?"

I shake my head. "Not if everyone involved understands and accepts the relationship. Relationships can take a dozen different forms. We're all open and honest with each other, which means it's not cheating."

Aiden reaches out and squeezes my hand. "They make you happy, Mom. You deserve that. I'm not going to call them 'Dad'." I snort and sniff back a tear. "But I can be friends with them if they make you happy."

I nod and hug my way-too-old-for-his-age son.

"Did I fail you as a mother? Did my bullshit with your dad make you have to grow up too fast?" I wipe away a tear, spreading my concealer.