Page 129 of Icebound Hearts
Violet’s tearful gaze drifts to me, and I feel something break inside me.
I’m not sure I can do this.
My mouth opens but nothing comes out because I don’t have a clue how to say goodbye to her. Or if I can even physically get the words out.
The best I can manage is a shaky smile, and she flashes me one back, her eyes gleaming with tears. My hand reaches out to brush them away instinctively, my heart feeling like it’s going toexplode. I step closer to her with words burning on the tip of my tongue.
“You’re so fucking amazing, heartbreaker,” I tell her quietly so Jake can’t overhear. “Remember that when you’re out in LA. Remember what a beautiful soul you have. How kind and funny and sweet you are. Fucking hell, I’m lucky to have had you in my life. Lucky for every second I’ve gotten to spend with you.”
Violet nods, more tears streaming down her cheeks. “I’m lucky too. This time together was…”
She can’t finish the sentence, but she doesn’t need to, because I know exactly what she means. I nod.
“It was. You changed me. Made me better. I’ll never forget that. Never forget any of it.”
I pull her in for a hug one last time, gripping her tightly, and she clings to me just as hard, as if neither of us can end it. Jake joins in, wrapping both of his little arms around our legs, and Violet laughs through her tears as she rubs the top of his head.
When she finally lets go and steps back, I feel something dislodge inside me. It feels like I’m cleaving away some part of myself, a piece that can’t be replaced. I’ll never be the same after this. Afterher.
She wipes her eyes with the back of her hand and digs into her purse for her keys. “Well, I’d better get going. It’s a long drive, and daylight is fading.”
“Drive safe. Text me if you need anything, and please let me know when you make it there.”
“Of course. Thank you for everything, Sawyer.”
“Thankyou, heartbreaker,” I murmur roughly.
“Bye, Ms. Violet,” Jake says through his tears, waving as she opens the driver’s side door and climbs in. She blows him a kiss and closes the door, then turns on the engine. She puts the car in gear, and I don’t know what comes over me, but I lurch forward.
“Violet!” I call out, and she puts the car back in park and rolls down the window. I rush to it, leaning down to rest my forearms on the frame.
“I love you,” I murmur hoarsely. “I know it doesn’t change anything. I know you have to go. But I wanted you to know that before you leave.”
Pain streaks across her face for a second before something warm and soft replaces it. She swallows, more tears spilling past her eyelashes and tracking down her cheeks as she smiles at me.
“I love you too,” she whispers, her voice shaking.
Then why isn’t that enough?
I already know the answer. Just having feelings for each other won’t fix the practical things keeping us apart. She has her new life beginning out in California, and I have mine here with Jake. Neither of those things are going to change, and I wouldn’t dream of asking her to stay here just for me. I’d never want to clip her wings like that.
But that doesn’t stop me from leaning into her car to kiss her one last time.
“Go get ’em, heartbreaker,” I murmur. “You’re gonna do amazing.”
Violet nods, holding my gaze with her watery eyes for what feels like forever. But eventually, she puts the car back in gear and pulls away. Jake wraps himself around my leg, quietly crying, and I rub his hair to comfort both of us as we watch her drive away until she disappears around the corner and out of the neighborhood, honking.
“Come on, buddy, let’s go back inside,” I tell Jake and scoop him up into my arms to trudge back toward the house.
When I walk in, it doesn’t even feel like home anymore.
It feels empty, lifeless.
Like someone turned off all the lights and ripped out the wiring so they’ll never come back on.
Or maybe it’s the hollow cavern in my chest that feels empty—because Violet took my heart with her when she left. And I don’t know if there’s anything that’s going to fill that hole.
Chapter 43