Page 131 of Icebound Hearts
“Sounds great,” I tell her, and Michelle leads us out of her office and back down the hall toward the lobby where we wrap around to the other wing. My office is the second one on the left,and I know it’s mine because there’s already a shiny metal plate installed on the door that bears my name.
“Go ahead, make yourself comfortable. I’ll give you a few minutes to put your things away. Just come find me in the lobby when you’re ready,” Michelle says and leaves with Sarah, both smiling at me.
I step tentatively into the office and set my purse down on the desk that’s already stocked with a little organizer for paperwork, a container full of pens, and a desktop computer with an additional, external monitor that I can use with my laptop as a second screen. There’s a fancy ergonomic chair behind the desk, and I can’t resist, so I sit down on it and spin around once to give it a try.
I stop with my back to the desk and stare out the window behind it. It doesn’t have the greatest view, but the sun is still beaming outside and it’s hard not to feel hopeful about this job. Everyone has been super nice so far, and they all seem legitimately excited about having me join their team.
Reese is right. I’ve got an amazing career ahead of me.I feel it in my bones.
I pull my company-issued laptop out of my bag and set it on the desk along with my phone and the charger I brought to keep at my desk. It takes a little bit of gymnastics to reach the outlet behind the monitors, but I make it eventually and sit admiring my little setup. I’ll definitely bring some stuff from home to make it feel more welcoming and mine, but it’s a start.
My gaze drifts to an empty spot on the desk next to the monitor that looks perfect as a place to put a little framed picture, and my heart lurches again—because I wish I had a photo of Sawyer and Jake to put there.
Before I can stop myself, I’m unlocking my phone and scrolling through the dozens of pictures I took of both of them, together and separately, while I was there. There are way moreof Jake, which makes sense because we spent the most time together, and the one I stop on is a selfie of Jake and me sitting together on the merry-go-round. Jake’s on my knee and beaming at a beautiful yellow butterfly that landed on my hand.
With my heart hurting, I close out of the photo and set my phone face down on the desk and try to hold on to Reese’s belief in me in this new phase of my career. It’s a new day and my new life here is just getting started, so I have to stay focused on that.
But even as I take a deep breath and stand up to meet Michelle back in the lobby, Jake and Sawyer are all I can think about.
Chapter 44
Sawyer
The puck whizzes past me, but I don’t even notice until Coach Dunaway’s shrill whistle jars me out of my daze.
“What are you doing, Townsend?” he bellows.
I shake my head, trying to clear it, but I’m struggling. It’s been about two weeks since Violet left, and I’ve felt every fucking day of it. I keep hoping and waiting for the ache in my heart to fade like it should, but it hasn’t—and I’m starting to wonder if it’s ever going to.
It feels like I’m just going through the motions of life, but I’m doing it without one of my essential organs. I’m functioning, but barely, like a zombie. Even the commercial shoot with Beaumont didn’t do anything to move the needle, because all I could think about the entire time we were shooting was how much I wished Violet was there to see it.
Dunaway must be pissed though, because he furiously waves me over. “What the hell is going on with you lately?” he barks when I finally skate over to him at the box. “It’s like you’re on another planet or something!”
“Sorry, Coach. I’ll get it together.”
“You’d better. I don’t want to bench you, but we can’t have you half-assing it like this when it counts. Got me?”
“Loud and clear,” I tell him and hustle back out onto the ice to repeat the drill I was supposed to be doing. I do a little better this time around just to save myself any more grief from Dunaway, but my heart still isn’t in it. It feels hollow, just like everything else lately, but it’s enough to get him off my back, and that’s all that matters.
Dunaway slams on his whistle again when we finish the drill, ending practice, and I’m one of the last players to leave the ice. It’s bad enough getting grilled by Dunaway in front of the whole team like that, and I’m not in the mood to have the rest of the guys pile on me about it, so I hang back on our way to the locker room. Inside, I strip quickly while the others are distracted by bantering and giving each other shit, then get right into the shower where I know they’ll leave me alone for a little while at least.
The water feels great, but it’s not enough to stop the thoughts flowing through my mind. None of them are productive, but they just keep coming, and I’m in no hurry to do much of anything so I just stand and let the water wash over me in some vain hope that it’ll wash the thoughts away with it.
But it doesn’t work.
Annoyed, I finish my shower and throw on my clothes. I was in there for so long that most of the rest of the team is already gone. But I’m feeling so weighed down that I find myself sitting on one of the locker room benches without remembering how or when I sat down—or how long I’ve been there. My forearms rest on my thighs and my head hangs toward the floor while I take more deep breaths than I can keep count of. I know from my feet on the ground that I’m here, but I feel like the room is floating away from me.
Until someone settles on the bench beside me, jarring me out of this bizarre trance I fell into. I glance over and tenseimmediately when I see it’s Reese. He eyes me tentatively like I’m some sort of feral animal for a few seconds before he speaks.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks quietly.
All I can do is stare at him blankly. I’m not sure what to say, or if I should say anything at all to him after the way I lied. This whole thing is a mess, and I don’t want to make it any worse, especially now that Violet’s gone and we should be moving past all of this to get back to normal.
But the truth comes rushing out anyway.
“I miss her.”
He nods, studying me. “Are you having a hard time finding someone to watch Jake now?”