Page 3 of Diamond

I will leave this place. I will.

Until then, having "us girls" the only ones at home will have to do.

I wash up and pin my hair under myal-amirabefore making my way to the kitchen, my eyebrows raised at the small feast in one corner of the wooden table. I spot a lambkebabwith onions and colorful peppers between the chunks of meat, a bowl full ofqurutballs, and an even larger bowl ofkabuli pulaowith extra raisins, just the way I like it.

"Oh good, you're here."

Bibi's voice stops my mouth from salivating, but does nothing for the tightness in my stomach. I've barely eaten in weeks. I turn to find her holding a plate withnaan.

"What can I help you with?" I ask and she shrieks with laughter, as if I have just told the funniest joke in the world.

"You're not here to help me with anything, Rin Rin. You're just here to eat."

She places the plate alongside the other delicacies. It's her special plate that she only uses when we get important guests from my brother's work. My eyes widen in realization. She's about to tell me that my time here is up. As much as I want to leave, there is nowhere else to go.

"Go on, sit down," she chirps and watches me with that weird, plastic smile.

My skin crawls with it, but maybe it's just because I haven't gotten this warm reception from her since I was a child, and even then, I didn't get special plates or this much of a meal.

"Eat," she encourages me, and I pick aqurutball and bite into it.

I can't help the moan that leaves my mouth, and she giggles like a girl. It makes me remember when all she did was giggle as theaunties showered her with praise, letting her know she was the most beautiful bride Afghanistan had ever seen.

I thought the same, and sometimes I still do, when she smiles or in the brief moments she remembers she is not just a wife and a mother.

"Is something wrong, Bibi? Did I do something?" I ask after I've finished the entire qurut ball.

I notice that she is not eating; instead, she's holding a cup of milky chai and sipping it slowly.

She looks surprised at my question and wipes a bead of sweat from her forehead. Then, she then pulls off her hijab, and her hair falls beautifully around her face, reminding me of how much I used to love it.

Mine has always been curly, and it used to be a nightmare until I grew up and learned how to manage it. But as a child, I used to idolize her wavy brown hair.

"Not at all, Rin Rin," she simply says, using the nickname mybabagave me. It irks me the wrong way, but I swallow the feelings down.

She laughs. "Just eat!"

I follow her urging, picking up one of the kebabs and eating the tender meat and vegetables off it.

Since I got here, our relationship has gone from bad to worse, and maybe this is her own way of trying to mend it. I should also do the same on my side.

I clear my throat and swallow my pride. "This is thoughtful, Bibi. I know this has been a struggle, and I'm sorry for the shame I have brought you."

She grunts in reply, something flashing across her face before she returns to her too-wide grin.

If she tells me to leave, I'll figure something out, though I'm not sure what I will tell the authorities if I'm caught out after curfew.

I eat in silence, taking small bites from everything placed before me, while she watches like a hawk, probably to make sure I finish all the food and don't waste a bite. After so long eating so little, I'm not sure I can fit it all into my stomach.

Nothing about this sits right with me. She isn't eating and the Bibi I know loves to snack more than anything else. I pick up my secondqurutball and take a bite, but it doesn't go down my throat as my mouth starts to feel numb. I start to tell her that I've had enough, but the words are stuck in my throat along with the food.

Her face blurs, but I can recognize the smile on her face as one that is up to no good. She drugged me?

Vaguely, I hear the sounds of my brother coming in and a surge of relief floods through me. He'll sort this out.

"Did you really have to waste that much food just to get the cow drugged?" he says in that terrible tone I hate.

The one meant to keep Bibi in check. Then my slow brain catches up with what he just said as I grasp that there will be no help coming. My heart drops to my stomach as I realize there truly is no one left I can trust.