Page 2 of Daddy's for December
Ben teaching me to ski at Holly Berry Ski Valley in Crystal Frond. Days spent on the lake, swimming and splashing in thewater. Christmas at the lodge and the comfort of being with my mom. Ben washappinesspersonified. And it had been too long since I’d felt that.
So, when he spoke to me with no recognition, I was a little surprised. “Hello, I’m here to meet Rowan Kernberg.”
It had been years since I’d sent him a picture. Even longer since he’d seen me in person. Some guilt hit me as I swallowed, trying to get my voice back. Part of me felt like I was hallucinating and had just dreamed him up in front of me. To check if I were indeed asleep and maybe just to hear some more of his deep voice, I asked, “Sure. Who should I say is here?”
“I’m Ben Stone.”
Instead of confessing everything then and there, I nodded at him with a tightness in my throat and went to get Rowan. My knees shook all the way down the hall. Rowan didn’t know Ben from Adam, and I decided to remain quiet about that. Despite how wrong it would be, I was going to keep Ben to myself. I knew at that moment exactly what I wanted out of life.
And it was Ben.
Not just him, but everything he represented. Safety, stability, and Crystal Frond, the only place I’d ever felt at home.
So, over the next year, I went to work. I gave it my all as a receptionist and tucked away every penny of my earned money in my sock drawer. My mother left me a small sum that I had deposited in the bank. It was enough to purchase the train ticket, as well as provide living expenses for a few months.
The day Ben returned to my life was when I stripped all the black from my hair and returned to who I was all those years ago. Someone lively and carefree. Light, and enthusiastic for adventures.
Scouring the internet, I found the most up-to-date information on him I could find. He was still in the Pacific Northwest town of Crystal Frond and living in the beautifulcabin near the ski resort that supplies the town’s economy. His job was the same, too. Structural engineer, but often he traveled the world for work months at a time. Stone Structures, his company, no longer had my mom listed as a partner, but that was so many years ago. The picture of him on his website showed how proud he was of his work with a broad, gleaming smile. A grin that captured my heart.
We’re meant to be. I just know it.
Whenever I get a glance at his social media accounts, my pulse races with excitement. His beautiful eyes gaze straight through the screen into my own. Like he knows he has a part of my soul and is waiting for me to come to him to get it back. His face makes some foreign heat rise between my legs.
Some nights, I leave my laptop open to his photo and writhe on my pillow or use two fingers on my clit, but stop myself before going over the edge. At the pressure and tightness in my stomach, I’m still too afraid of the threat that something wild and out of control is about to unleash within me.
It’s like standing on top of a tall building and knowing you could jump, but it would end in disaster.
Or I could fly.
Ben is single, and has been for years, though it seems he attends events with a woman named Cindy, who has a helmet of fluffy brown hair. Looking at her profiles, she seems older than him and often possessively lays her hand on his chest in their pictures while he looks away from the camera as if distracted. That’s a good sign.
Ben hasn’t married and has no children. Looking back, I don’t think he and my mother even dated. They were just best friends at the time, but he became a daily father figure I needed in my younger years. When I’d asked about him later, Mom said she couldn’t be with someone gone that much. And he travels all the time.
It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him, but that’s about to change. Despite him only being my godfather, he was the most special man in my life. My mother found a new job in Verona, and we moved when I was eleven.
He’d always asked for pictures and updates from my mom. Texting or calling, sending me letters, cards, and gifts every year on my birthday. But as I got into my teenage years, friends became more important than family. Once my mother married, she lost contact with him, and the memories of my happy childhood days were almost forgotten.
But when I set my sights on him that day in the office last year, I knew what my goal was. Return to Crystal Frond and make him fall in love with me. But this time as awomanand not just his friend’s daughter.
Two
BEN
Why does the computer never cooperate when you’re in a hurry?
A drumming sound on the office door diverts my attention from the frustrations on the screen. “I think we have the early racquetball court reserved tomorrow.”
Some light brown locks fall across my forehead when I shake my head at Carson. With a dramatic press of the button, I shut the machine down. There. You deserve that, bitch. “I can't make it. Picking up my goddaughter in about…” Glancing at my watch, my heart races thinking about seeing her again. “Twenty minutes.”
“Oh, that’s right. You’ve been talking about this for a month.” He waltzes in and unbuttons his suit jacket, then flops into a club chair and sets his loafers on the desk. Like I’m not in a hurry. “She’s what? Sixteen now? Seventeen?”
“She’s eighteen. In college. Visiting just for December. I haven’t seen her in?—”
“Six years. I know, you said.” Grabbing my tennis ball off the desk, he tosses it in the air as I grab my briefcase and start packing it up for the long weekend. “Why not? Why didn’t you see her?”
As if the ceiling holds the answers, my eyes glance up as I pause my nervous shuffling. “I always asked her to visit or if I could meet her there, but she was a teenage girl, you know? And me and her mom only caught up briefly at conferences, so there was never a good time. Winter wanted to hang with friends or her mom instead of some old man. She was away at boarding school, too.” But I never gave up. Sent her flowers for every birthday and texted her messages every couple of weeks to let her know I care for her.
I just wish she felt the same.