Page 95 of The Game
“I suppose we’re all taken in one way or another.”
His words further soothe me, and it makes me realize how I’m not going to be ready for him to move on for a while. It’s not my choice, and when that time comes, I’ll have to be okay with it, but for now, I just need him as a friend, need that connection so that I know what we went through was real, was as traumatizing as I feel it is. Perhaps that is selfish of me, but maybe a little selfishness over the ones I love is okay.
“Why’s Nick here?” he says, lowering his voice. My eyes flit to the giant in the corner, his arms crossed, a permanent scowl on his scarred face. The fact Ellie isn’t with him is alarming, but if I text her, I have a feeling he will know.
“No idea…but it feels…weird? I can’t tell.”
He drums his fingers on the countertop in thought, his long appendages graceful as I watch them move with a fluidity reserved for a musician.
“Just one more person I’ll be hacking and tracking now.”
My eyes shoot to Teddy’s, finding his trademark mischief there.
“Careful with that family,” I warn softly. His biting smirk is quick to bloom.
“It’s like you don’t know me at all, bunny.”
My frown and my retort is cut off as Doctor Johnson calls everyone over. My heart in my throat, I wipe my hands on a dish towel and shove away all the thoughts of Jameson and Oksana, focusing instead on little Alina. We all know none of us stand a chance at being her donor because of the impossible odds, but the action itself is more meaningful. She’s been holding back tears since she arrived, her thankfulness written plainly on her blotchy face.
I move to stand next to Tristan, and Jameson draws close as well, his hand reaching out to snake over my lower back in a show of comfort that sends tingles throughout my body. Everyone waits with bated breath as Doctor Johnson hands Oksana the envelope, a soft, kind smile on her weathered face. I’ve grown to admire and trust the doctor in the months she’s been helping me recover.
“Drum roll, please,” Corey mutters under his breath, raising his beer to his lips.
Teddy sits next to the mother and daughter as Oksana struggles to maneuver Alina’s sleeping form, his face carefully masked into that look of zero emotion. When she finally manages to rip the seal, my eyes flit to Doctor Johnson’s. The woman is beaming, holding back tears, and it all begins to sink in. She knows—knows there is good news, and my heart is suddenly in my throat.
With the soft shuffling noise of papers, Oksana tugs the results free, her dark eyes scanning the print quickly, over and over and over as we all lean forward, our breath collectively held. Teddy sees it second, his eyes flashing with shock to me—and then next to me. When she raises her blurry eyes, she drops the papers and instead covers her mouth as a choked sob escapes, jostling the sick little girl.
Time seems to stand still as she weeps, and Teddy’s grin blossoms, brightening the entire room as the doctor dabs at the corners of her eyes and says, “Well…tell them!”
“You’re both a perfect match,” Teddy says, eyes on Tristan before they flit to Jameson. My heart soars, and in my shocked state, I turn with a gaping mouth to gauge their reactions. Tristan is stunned but soon grins so widely it shows off his perfect teeth, and Jameson simply stares at Alina, a mixture of adoration and surprise in his gray eyes.
“Well that’s fucking cool,” Tristan finally says, breaking the tension as we all exhale a laugh. Oksana is nearly inconsolable, Teddy reaching over to gently shift Alina to his arms, the sight of him holding a child bringing stinging tears to my eyes. Shifting before I realize it, I’m closing the gap, falling to my knees before a mother who’s been gifted a second chance with her child, and I wrap her in my arms as she clings to me, her tears of joy overshadowing my tears of sorrow for the loss I still feel every day.
In the midst of death, there is always life.
And in the midst of life, there is always death.
* * *
We all enjoy cake on the back deck, Tristan making snide remarks about the charcoal, seeing as Teddy keeps cracking jokes about it to fluster him, the two of them always at odds but also sort of becomingfrenemies. Jameson stays glued to my side, his eyes often swishing to the now-awake little girl, and I can feel his apprehension. I know he is not afraid of being her donor; my twins truly fear no pain. But something is making him draw close to me for comfort, and I am more than willing to oblige.
Seated on his lap, I lean back into him, his warmth making me shiver as a breeze rolls by. It’s still chilly this time of year, and as he traces patterns on my thigh, I snuggle more into his embrace, turning to press my nose to the junction between his shoulder and neck, inhaling his scent and allowing my eyes to slip closed in bliss. It’s still odd to be so open with them, so touchy, but I’ve noticed the more I do it, the more it feels better, normal again.
“I’m in shock,” he finally admits, his voice low and rumbling. Smiling against his silky skin, I prepare to answer.
“I am, too. I feel like that’s normal, though…” I say, trailing off. He’s quiet before he answers.
“Are you alright with this, Alice?”
Pulling away, our eyes lock, his jaw shifting as he grinds his molars. My brows furrow, but I soften myself and smile, pressing my hand to his chest over the steady thumping of his beautiful, selfless heart. Even now, he’s more concerned about me than anything else, and it makes tears prick my eyes.
“Of course I am. Are you?”
His eyes shift to my hair as he gently plucks a strand and pushes it back over my shoulder, every touch of his igniting within me a deep need to be closer. I’m ready for everyone to leave so we can do just that. My desire for them has grown immensely lately, and I never want that to go away. The fear that it will plays into my anxiety, and so I take a deep breath, awaiting his answer. His brows furrow, lips dipping into a frown, before his eyes swish to the woods behind our home as he formulates his answer.
“I…it’s strange, how coincidental this all feels. But I keep thinking…of all the bad I’ve done in my life, all those I’ve ended…maybe this is my one chance at redemption.”
My throat aches as I swallow around the lump of tears, and I reach up, gently smoothing my palm over his squared jaw, forcing his eyes back to mine.