Page 34 of Lonely Hearts Day

Many more spins and kisses later and the bottle teetered to a stop on Jack. My breath stopped in my throat as I watched one of my friends, Lydia, smile and walk her way to him. Even though everyone had been keeping the kisses pretty tame, I looked away when their lips met.

And then it was Jack’s turn.

I watched his shoulders rise and fall as he put the bottle on the table and spun it. It was a perfect spin, the bottle staying centered on the table as it made its rotations. I watched it, unblinking, until my eyes watered. Then I blinked the blur away. Finally, the bottle was slowing, stopping. And I caught my breath when I realized where it was pointing, straight to me.

Someone let out a little moan of disappointment. Sage? I wasn’t sure, I didn’t look away. Jack in all his tall, perfect hair, beautiful eyes glory, looked my way. Then he was moving toward me, his confidence carrying him. Iwantedto kiss him, I realized. And not just to see what it would feel like, but because I liked him. As more than a friend.

He reached the couch where I sat, sandwiched between Micah and a girl I didn’t really know. I still hadn’t released my breath. The air in my lungs was burning now and I let it out slowly as he leaned forward. I waited for his lips to meet mine but then I heard the girl on my right giggle and my eyes flew open. I hadn’t realized I’d closed them.

Jack’s lips were on hers.

My eyes blurred and my lungs were on fire again. For a different reason this time.

Then he straightened up, not even looking at me, and walked back to his place on the carpet. Troy let out a loud disappointed grunt. Sage, hooked her arm through Jack’s and laid her head on his shoulder, obviously happy about that development. I just sat there and stared at the bottle that was still, obvious to everyone in the room, pointing straight at me. I tried not to cry.

It was fine. That was my answer, I told myself. I wanted to know how he felt about me and he let me know, loud and clear. I wasn’t going to let this ruin things. He was still my best friend, and I should’ve been grateful that he’d let me know in a subtle way how he felt. Well, subtle in that now the whole room knew. I tried not to let the embarrassment cloud my thinking. Iwasgrateful I knew. I just had to tell my stinging eyes and my aching chest that.

The girl next to me, who Jack had kissed, got up, and as she went to take her turn, I hopped up as well, mumbling something about using the bathroom. At least I thought that’s what I said.

I found my mom upstairs in the living room and sat next to her. I just needed a minute. Needed someone to tell me everything was going to be okay.

“I’m fine,” she said.

“What?”

“Go back to your party, you don’t need to worry about me.”

That’s when I saw the large manila envelope sitting on the coffee table, papers on top and a pen nearby. “Is that...?” It was divorce papers. I didn’t need to say the words out loud.

She let out a breathy laugh. “On Valentine’s Day and everything.”

I swallowed through the lump in my throat.Thatwas his idea of a grand gesture? “I’m sorry.”

“I told you, I’m fine. I mean it. It’s for the better. He went on a date tonight. Now I can start dating.”

He went on a date tonight and told my mom about it? I held in my rage. “Right,” I said. “Glad you’re fine. Love you.”

Once again, I fled. I just wanted my best friend. Not the guy I recently discovered I had stronger feelings for. My best friend. The one who could talk me off any ledge. He was right, I just needed to ask for help when I needed it. And I needed it right now more than ever.

Downstairs the game had dispersed and people were doing their own things again. The music seemed louder. The laughter more obnoxious. I wanted a quiet night on a couch listening to a terrible band or watching an anime. The way I spent the rest of the year. I wasn’t a party girl, and I didn’t know why I had tried to turn myself into one.

I found Jack refilling the carrot sticks at the counter. “Hey,” I said. “Can we talk upstairs?”

“I’m in the middle of something,” he said.

“Right.” I took a step closer, opening the bag of celery sticks he’d pulled out and adding a few to the tray. “My mom got her divorce papers today. Do you believe that? On Valentine’s Day.”

He sighed. “Another reason for you to hate it, right?”

“What? I don’t. I mean, I didn’t. Now, I kind of do.”

“You’ve been this mopey, bitter version of yourself for a year. You’re going to have to decide if you always want to be her, because...” He trailed off, not finishing his thought.

“No, please, go on. Because what? You hate her? You’re tired of her?”

“Yeah, maybe I’m over it.”

“I don’t believe that out of everyone in your life, you’re choosingmeto stand up to?”