Page 107 of Better Than Revenge

I studied his demeanor. He seemed sincere. Maybe hehadlearned a little empathy. “And what about Theo?” I asked, not planning to, but the words came spilling out. “Can you see what you did to him was wrong? What you took from him? Have you said sorry to him?”

“Thatwas an accident,” he said.

I didn’t think that was true, but still, I said, “Then you should feel even sorrier.”

He huffed out a breath of air.

“Bye, Jensen,” I said, and left.

“NOLEN, CAN I TALK TOyou?” I asked. He and Susie had just finished morning announcements, and he was putting papers into his backpack, getting ready to head to first period.

“I told him he could,” he said. “Did he change his mind? Talk to you already?”

“What?” I asked, confused, then remembered what Jensen had said twenty minutes ago in the locker room. Had he approached Nolen about dropping out after our talk? “No, not that,” I said now. “I didn’t earn that. I want to commentate the football games next year. Do live calls during the game and interviews after the game. Teachers do it right now, but I think it should be a student responsibility. And I actually think I’d be pretty good at it. Not perfect, but I’d be willing to try.” That was new for me. Putting myself out there when I felt unsure. When I didn’t have the ability to editout my mistakes. “I just spent the last month learning all the rules and regulations and terminology and plays and more than I ever thought I wanted to know. I even learned to kick.”

He slung his backpack onto his shoulder, not saying anything, and together we walked out of the studio. “You learned how to kick? Like through the uprights?”

“Yeah, Theo taught me. I’m pretty good,” I said.

He laughed. “Cool. And yeah, that’s a really cool idea. So you don’t want your podcast research spot? Is that why you’re telling me this?”

“Yes, I don’t,” I said. I was quitting, but for all the right reasons.

“Okay, I’ll reach out to the runner-up.”

“Thanks,” I said.

“You talked to Mr.Whitley about the commentator idea?”

“I did,” I said. He liked it.

“Nice. So did you forgive him?”

“Jensen? Yeah.” Because I did. I didn’t have to like him, but I was done with the anger.

“No…I meant Theo.”

“Oh.” I took a deep breath. “I don’t know yet.”

Chapter

thirty-six

“IS THIS STILL ON?” CAMEa voice through the speakers.

I was sitting in seventh period, ready to be done with today. I felt like I had been in school for weeks, but not because anything major happened. After talking to Coach that morning and then Nolen, the day had actually been really slow. I found myself searching the halls as I walked, in classes I found myself unable to concentrate, and at lunch Deja had said, “Why don’t you just text him? Find out where he is? Go talk to him?”

Theheshe was referring to was Theo, of course. I hadn’t seen him all day. Not even a glimpse of him. Had he stayed home? After telling him I didn’t want to talk to him on Saturday, he had, in fact, stopped talking to me. I should’ve been happy he was respecting my boundaries, but maybe I had wanted him to try just one more time. Wanted him to talk me into forgiving him. Not give up like I had told him to. But maybe he was trying to growtoo. Accept what was in front of him. Maybe he had assessed our relationship and found that it was based on anger and revenge and decided that wasn’t a great way to start anything. Maybe it wasn’t.

To Deja at lunch, I had said, “You don’t even like him. Why would you want me to text him?”

“Will you kill me if I say that I think I actually do like him. That he owned up to his mistakes, that he’s just an occasional punk, and that you two were good together?”

“Yes, I will kill you,” I’d said.

“Yeah, probably a good choice,” she’d said.

But now, in seventh period, sitting next to me, she whipped her head around when she heard the voice being broadcast into the room through the speakers.