Page 68 of My Best Years
He visibly flinches after I say “the right person.” And I know why.
Because he wants to be that person.
There used to be no doubt in my mind that he was.
“I want that too,” he finally mutters. “More than anything.”
A warm glow ignites in my chest at his confession.
“What about you?” I ask. “Have you…ever been serious with someone? You know, since…”
“No,” he shakes his head without missing a beat. “Never been married. It’s just me and Ollie. And if we’re really getting into the nitty gritty, I’ve never even fucked someone without a condom. ”
I start to move on to my next question, but then do a double take, processing what he just said.
Wait.
What?
“What? Without a… You mean you’ve…Never?” My mouth hangs open. “Not once?”
“Nope,” he responds simply, but the silence left in the air speaks volumes.
He doesn’t make me read between the lines because when he notices me staring at him with furrowed brows, he sighs.
“It’s just… The thought of having a child with anyone else but…”
His words quickly die off as realization hits him like a truck. We’re not ready to have this conversation. He doesn't want to move too fast and scare me away. And I don’t want to move too fast and get my heart blown to shreds.
He clears his throat.
“The short answer is no, Birdie. I haven’t been serious withanyone else. To be honest, you were the only girl that I ever saw a future with.”
Now, I’m the one letting out a pent-up breath as a wave of relief washes through me.
Every day, I’ve wondered about Callum. I’ve tortured myself with images of him happily married with beautiful children who adore him. I thought he had completely forgotten about me. Discarded me like an old sweater in the heat of summer.
I couldn't have been more wrong.
“Then that’s all I need to know,” I breathe. “All Iwantto know. I’m not going to ask you about past girlfriends, or how many women you’ve slept with, because as much as I’ve thought about the answers to those questions, I know that the truth will only hurt me in return.”
“Are you sure, Birdie?” he all but whispers. “After the way I left you, I owe you any answers you want from me. Just ask, and I’ll tell you.”
“I’m sure,” I nod, knowing I can’t emotionally handle hearing him speak about relationships with other women. “What happened before today is behind us, and there’s absolutely nothing we can do to change that. You told me about your family and why you left, and that’s all I need to know. I don’t want to live in the past, Callum. And I’m sure you don’t either.”
A clean slate.
That’s all I want from here on out.
Maybe we can be friends again.
Maybe we’ll have the happy ending we never thought we could have.
Or maybe this will all end in shambles.
But I’m tired of holding a grudge. I’m so tired of being angry.
I’ve been resentful and bitter for eleven years. It’s fucking exhausting.