Page 45 of Fall onto me

I hear his entire body shudder as I lay down.

The night drags on, and without sleep, all I can do is stare at the inky darkness that surrounds me and try to imagine Skyler somewhere in it.

I can’t find her, no matter how much my eyes adjust to the night.

I can’t fucking find her.

* * *

They haveme right where they want me.

Another fucked up kid from the wrong side of the tracks in jail, no one will bat an eye, and they know I can’t afford a lawyer.

I swear to God if Sky goes to her father for help, I’m going to burn this entire fucking city to ash. “Give me your food,” a man with a bald head and shit tattoos demands me.

The lunchroom is packed, and this will be my first show of force against anyone who tries to mess with me.

I take the tray and bash his fucking face with it, food flying everywhere. I wait for one of the guards to come tackle me, but it’s only Barnes here, and he only shakes his head for me to calm down before turning around to not have this on his hands.

His words play in my mind, “You can’t come back from this.”

There’s no answer to the question.

What is there to figure out?

I’m here, and my entire world is out there walking around unprotected. I would rather this guy beat me to death, so that I don’t have to worry anymore.

I would ask for Barnes’s help, and maybe it is all a coincidence, maybe the Keeper didn’t have me set up. But how would I figure that out without endangering his job, or Skyler’s life?

The man straightens up, takes one look at me, and decides I’m not worth it. Whether because he knows he could end me, or he’s scared I may actually win in a fight.

He moves on to someone more vulnerable. “Give me your—”

My cellmate, Santiago, slides his tray over before the man can even finish his sentence. The big guy takes it, laughs, and tosses it in the trash after pulling one apple from it. Fucking jackass.

I bring my food over and lean forward across the table. “You can’t let them fucking do that to you.”

His hands are trembling. “I leave in two days, and I will die if I fight someone like him.” His voice is low and shaky.

I roll my eyes, but I understand. I should be acting like that, not compromising my already lengthy sentence. I should be scared, but it’s not in my nature. I eat the sloppy joe and hand the sides to Santiago.

* * *

I know it’s stupid,that I shouldn’t reach out to her. She needs to move on now, to get away from this life that never seems to allow us a full breath.

I’m suffocating in it.

But I need to write her.

She’s all I can think about these days.

Who am I kidding? She’s all I think about every fucking second. I wouldn’t have it any other way, but it’s making me feral not seeing her. I mean, anything could be happening outside of these walls.

I feel uneasy. One moment I want to scream my innocence, to fight tooth and nail to prove I didn’t do it. But then I look around at the metal bed and the barred cells and remember that I don’t have a say here, and it brings me to the conclusion that everyone I’ve ever loved needs to pretend like I never existed.

If it were just me, I wouldn’t be stressing. This is where I was bound to reside anyways. Me being locked away was inevitable, really.

But Sky, she needs me. Sophia needs me, and Grandma too.