Page 49 of Take the Bait
But that wasn’t going to happen. And it was time to release all the things keeping her from living her fullest life—the overthinking, the shame, the fear.
She realized now how much fear of rejection—fear of being too much—paralyzed her from letting people in. And she couldn’t do anything about the ways she’d cut herself off to other people before, but she could try to do better. Her heart clenched as she thought of her missed chance with Tucker, but she’d promised herself that she’d reach out to him when she got back to Orange Beach. She doubted he’d want anything to do with her after she’d ignored him for the past month, but she at least wanted to apologize. Maybe they could try to be friends.
She imagined Tucker at Flora-Bama with Shawn and her heart hurt.
Pushing that thought out of her mind, she tipped her head back and closed her eyes, grounding herself in the cold air and sound of the trickling fountain.
“5…4…3…” She heard gleeful shouts around the corner, and grinned to herself when she could clearly hear Madi shouting louder than everyone else.
It was time to be bold. Adventurous. Open.
It was time to let herself love and be loved.
It was time to release fear and embrace change.
Those were the words she clung to as she flicked her coin in the fountain.
“What’d you wish for?”
She gasped, turning around to the voice she’d been imagining in her head for weeks now.
He wore his favorite pair of jeans—she didn't even know how she knew those were his favorite jeans, but she knew it and that probably said more than anything else. A fleece-lined corduroy jacket with tan boots and a dark gray beanie kept him warm as he stood before her, breath puffing out in the cold air. His hands were fidgeting in his pockets and he stood ten paces away from her, his brows furrowed, but eyes alight with happiness.
Happiness—to see her?
“What…” She took a deep breath. “What are you doing here?”
“Getting the girl.” His breath was visible in the air as he spoke, moving slowly toward her.
Her breath caught. “But Shawn?—”
“Told me to come get the girl.”
He took a few more steps in her direction.
She bit her lip. “But I?—”
“Ghosted me because you were scared?”
He was face-to-face with her now, a smirk tugging at his lips.
“Well, yeah.” She whispered, heart fluttering at the way his gaze lingered on her mouth. “I’m sorry about that. I, well… Fuck. I’m not ready for this conversation. I was supposed to practice what I was going to say with Bella and Madi, like, a dozen times before I talked to you again.”
He laughed. “Try anyway.”
Try anyway.
That was the whole goddamn point, wasn’t it?
She took a deep breath. “When I met you, I’d pretty much decided I was done in Orange Beach,” she said, breaking a beat of silence. Her hands fidgeted in her pockets, but she locked eyes with him in spite of her nerves. She wouldn’t glance away—not for this. “My whole life, I’ve been… awkward. Living in the shadow of my perfect older sister and my extremely extrovertedbest friend. Well, maybe not so much in their shadow as just,used tobeing able to rely on them. And probably comparing myself to them a little bit. Everything just seemed to comeeasierto them. So… I went to Orange Beach to try something new. Find myself, as it were. The only thing I found was loneliness. And I’m just now realizing a lot of that was my own fault.”
His eyes narrowed, focusing on her and she took a step closer to him. “I didn’t put myself out there, except for a few horrible first dates. And when I did put myself out there, I overthought everything I did. To the point where it just felt like more than it was worth to eventry.” She laughed humorlessly. “Try anyway.That’s what you said just now. That’s what I should’ve done back then. Tried anyway. Because my loneliness was my own doing—a lack of putting myself out there.”
Tucker frowned, but she kept going, talking so rapidly that it looked like one steady stream of air flowed from her mouth in the cold. “But then you came along. And no matter how much I tried to withdraw or push you away, you kept trying. And suddenly, I wasn’t so lonely anymore. You were always there—alwaystrying.Making me feel like all my awkwardness was actually not as bad as I thought. Making me feel like, maybe, in spite of all my nerves and self-consciousness and fear of friendships outside the ones I’ve known my whole life, I could do it. I could make a life of my own out there. And it scared the shit out of me.”
Hanna tugged a hand out of her pocket and fiddled with her beanie, eager to twiddle in some way, to get the nerves still coursing through her out of her system. “And at the first sign of trouble, I bailed. The first time I felt like that awkward, nervous girl again, I bolted. Because… because of so many reasons. Because I thought it’d be easier to just quit trying and move home. Because I didn’t think I deserved you. Because I wasterrified—of you, one day, realizing you were too fucking good for me.”
She’d said it all—out loud. The things that scared her the most. The worst thoughts she had about herself when she was alone—the worst thoughts she assumed Tucker had about her, too. She kept her gaze on Tucker, trying not to get lost in his brown eyes and completely lose her train of thought.