Page 15 of Man of Honor
“So…where’d you go?” I finally asked, keeping it casual when I felt anything but.
“Here and there,” he replied with his gaze fixed on the horizon.
“That’s not an answer.”
“It’s the only one you’re getting.”
I wasn’t letting him off the hook that easy.Not after I'd spent years replaying that last night in my head, second guessing every word, every gesture.I couldn't give him what he wanted back then, but that didn't mean I hadn't cared.I cared so damn much it left me gutted when he took off without a trace.I wasn't about to let that go.
“You vanished without any warning,” I said through my teeth.“Left me with nothing. Not even a 'go to hell.'”
“Why would you care?” He glanced at me sideways, catching my eye with the faintest flicker of a smile, like he found the whole thing funny now.
I didn’t realize how angry I was until I saw that damn smirk.It lit a fuse in me that burned so fast and hot, I didn’t even feel the fire.I just exploded. “Because—youasshole—Boone was the only thing that kept me from dredging the swamp for your body!”
The smirk faded, but I kept going, unable to quit now that the raw nerve was exposed.“You think I don't know how much that night messed you up?Watching Ben kill your old man right in front of you?Doesn’t matter how bad he was.That’s not something you just walk off.How Boone could’ve thought sending you away was the right call is something I’ll never understand.I cared, Gage. More than I should have.Hell, I’ve watched over you ever since you were a kid.Did you expect me to just flip it off like a switch?”
His hand shook as he reached for his coffee.I noticed the bruises on his knuckles, the veins that crawled up the backs of his hands like road maps to his heart.He took a long sip and seemed to weigh his words carefully.That was something new. He never considered his words when he was young.
“Why does it matter now?” he asked.“I’m here, aren’t I?”
“So, that’s it, huh?” I shot back angrily.“You just roll back into town like nothing ever happened between us?”
His eyes snapped to mine, and something dangerous flickered through those pale irises.“Nothing happened,” he said stonily.“Nothing worth mentioning.”
My chest felt tight, but I wasn’t sure if it was anger this time.It felt worse. More like grief.I clamped down on it hard and drawled obnoxiously, “That’s where you’re wrong, son.”
Gage’s jaw tightened. His whole body clenched, and for a moment, I wondered if he might hit me.“We’re not talking about that,” he growled.
“Why not?” I leaned close, so close I could feel his coffee-laced breath against my face.“You’re the one who put it all out there.You came on to me that night.”
“I shouldn’t have,” he said in a voice rough as sandpaper.
The regret in his words made my heart twist.I’d done that; I’d put that shame in him.
He was damn near out of his mind the night I arrested Ben.Gage was battered and bleeding, clearly in shock, and his father was lying in a body bag.But his concern was only for his brother.Even though I was the one who’d hurt him, the one who’d forced his brother into the back of my squad car, he’d still come to me to make it better.Make it right for him. Just like I'd always done.
He found me in the parking lot behind the sheriff's department, wild-eyed, demanding answers he already knew I couldn’t give.Not just reckless, but broken in a way I’d never seen before.His breath was hot and damp against my face when he grabbed my shirt and pinned me against the wall.Then he kissed me. He was panting, barely in control.A plea for help disguised as seduction.And I kissed him back. God help me, for one depraved moment, I kissed him back.
It wasn't until Gage's hand slid down my body, groping me through the fly of my uniform pants, that I realized what I was doing.Reality crashed over me like a bucket of ice water.
I didn’t go easy on him. I wasn’t gentle when I shoved him off me, and I sure as hell didn’t offer a hand when he stumbled backward, tripping over a curb and hitting the ground.Nausea was stinging the back of my throat.I deliberately wiped my mouth with the back of my hand until I couldn’t taste him anymore.
“Go home, Gage,” I ordered furiously.“You’re mixed-up right now. Whatever you’re looking for...it's something I never offered."
He staggered to his feet, hands scraped and bleeding, hurt so badly by others and still somehow looking for me to make it better.Still hoping I could ease the pain.“I’m not stupid,” he said, thrusting his chin out defiantly.“You want me. You’ve wanted me for a while now.I’ll give it to you—anything you want.Just let Ben go.”
It shook me. My anger and revulsion were so strong, I took an instinctive step back before I did something I’d regret.“Don’t bring this shit to my doorstep,” I said, low and angry.“I’m not your friend, and I’m not your goddamn safety net.I charged Ben because the sheriff ordered me to.Because it’s myjob.Same reason I tried to be a good role model for you.If you twisted that into something else, that’s on you, kid.”
He flinched like he'd been slapped.
I’d seen thatkidsurvive more than most men could ever imagine.He’d pulled himself out of hell, dragging his own broken body from the bayou, and he’d come out the other sideunbroken.But the way he looked in that moment, standing with me under the dirty streetlights?The pain and betrayal in his eyes were worse than I'dexpected.Like I’d just ripped out his heart and stomped onit.
He left without a word afterthat.Didn’t even look back. When I finally worked up the nerve to go looking for him…he was already longgone.
Chapter Seven
GAGE