Page 19 of Man of Honor
I let out a cracked laugh and pushed myself up on one hand, clutching my ribs with the other.“It’s not Sunday, Gideon, and I’m not one of your flock.You can stop acting like you’ve made peace with everything.”
His face hardened. “None of us are at peace.We’re all carrying the same weight as you.We all want Ben out of prison as soon as possible, and we’re all grieving that Boone didn’t live long enough to see it.But I’ve learned something you haven’t.Look at yourself. Holding onto pain doesn’t make you stronger.It makes you weak, little brother.”
My brain wanted to reject everything he was saying, but I couldn’t.His words churned up all the ugliness inside me, and I fumbled stupidly.“Everything was supposed to be different after he adopted us.Wewere supposed to be different.Now he’s gone, and I…I…”
I couldn’t finish. I couldn’t force myself to say what I really meant:I’m still the same lost boy I always was.
Gideon was quiet, watching me with thatsteadygaze of his.He sighed and dropped my chin, standing to his full height and staring down at me.“He took us in because he saw what we could be, not just what we were.But he never promised an easyfix,Gage.None of this was ever going to erase thepast.We’re meant to carry on, and now that you're home, wewill.Ben has waited for us longenough.”
My jaw clenched, and I swallowed back a bitterretort.It would just be meanness for the sake ofmeanness.I listened to the sound of Gideon’s footsteps as he walked away, but it wasn’t until the iron gate clanged shut behind him that I finally managed to take a full, shudderingbreath.It felt like being stabbed by a serrated knife, but it wouldpass.Pain alwaysdid.
With a groan, I rolled over onto my ass and leaned against Boone’sheadstone.The marble was ice cold against my shirtlessback.It felt good. I lifted one knee and draped my arm across it to ease the ache in my ribs, letting the breeze cool my sweatingskin. Tippingmy head back, I stared up at the blue, bluesky.It felt endless—and empty.
When I finally got tired of the silence, I called, “Come on out.I know you’re there.”
Chapter Nine
GAGE
Silence.
I closed my eyes and let it drift around me.A mockingbird called in the distance, cycling through a jumble of trills and chirps that mimicked half the creatures in the bayou, as if it couldn’t decide which to use.Eventually, the softest crunch of gravel filtered through the sounds of nature.
I cracked one eye and watched as Ivy emerged from her hiding place.She slipped out from behind a moss-covered statue of a saint whose name I could never remember, but she didn’t look happy about it.Her arms were crossed tightly around her stomach, and her eyes were narrowed to hostile slits.
“How did you know I was here?” she asked suspiciously.
“I’ve got good ears.” I bit back a smile and held perfectly still as she crept closer.I was pretty sure if I so much as twitched, she’d bolt.The closer she came, the more she reminded me of one of those gray squirrels that used to steal acorns from my windowsill.Not exactly afraid. Just cautious after a lifetime of close calls.
“Ivy, right?” I said, keeping my tone deliberately casual.“No need to hide. I’m guessing that’s not the first fight you’ve ever seen.”
She looked so vulnerable, small and pale, with gauze taped over her swollen temple and wisps of cotton candy hair escaping from the floppy bun on top of her head.A mottled bruise was still spreading across her cheekbone, a fusion of colors in various stages of healing.
She was watching me with the same look I’d probably worn the first night I came to Eden House, banged up and clinging to Wyatt’s arm like he was my only lifeline.I didn’t remember much of that night, only bits and pieces that came to me in flashes when I least expected.But I remembered how big the house felt after being raised in a one-room fishing shack my whole life.Boone’s comforting smile and the curiosity of the other boys wasn't reassuring, just alien and overwhelming.All I’d wanted was to get back in the car with Wyatt and drive and drive and drive—and never stop.Just him and me, alone forever.The half-baked fantasy of a frightened child, and yet somehow, it still sounded pretty good even as a grown man.
“I thought you were going to kill him,” Ivy said, setting her face into a wary scowl.
I barked out a short, humorless laugh and then winced at the twinge in my ribs.“Thought about it,” I admitted, shifting uncomfortably.“But I couldn’t even if I wanted.He’s tougher than he looks.”
Her eyebrows pulled together doubtfully.“Why did he barely fight back?"
“That’s his game,” I said with a grimace, poking at the lifting corner of my medical tape.My ribs hurt like the devil, but the damage didn’t seem any worse than when I woke up.Gideon had been careful, just like always, inflicting pain without doing any lasting harm.“He lets you burn yourself out, and then he hits you where it hurts the most.”
“He’s a priest,” she protested, sounding scandalized.
I chuckled. “Yeah, well, he’s still a Beaufort.Runs in the family.”
“What family? JJ said you’re all adopted.” As she spoke, she continued edging closer, step by careful step.The distrust in her voice was almost charming.Reminded me of myself. Too much about this girl did.Treating her with kid gloves was the worst thing I could do, so I gave it to her straight, stretching my legs out and crossing them at the ankles like I had all the time in the world.
“Blood ain’t the only thing that makes a family, kid,” I said, patting the spot beside me.
She hesitated a moment, then slowly lowered herself to the grass.I knew the drill, so I didn’t push her to speak.She’d talk when she was ready, or maybe never, and nothing I did would speed up the process.But I could feel her looking at me.When I shifted my eyes to meet hers, she was looking at my shirtless chest.Once she caught me watching, she quickly glanced away, and her cheeks turned pink.
Wyatt’s words from earlier came back, loud and clear: she thinks you hung the moon.
Hell. Things were complicated enough.The last thing I needed was to fend off a crush by some confused kid with a bad case of hero-worship.I was uncomfortably aware that Wyatt must havefelt the same way about me once I was old enough to start hitting on him for real, but I didn’t have time to focus on that right now.I needed a shirt, and maybe some garlic and a cross for repellent.
“Gideon’s not like you,” Ivy said haltingly.