Page 79 of This Could Be Us
Not me, but a relationship.
It’s more accurate to say she wants to make sure she’s ready forher, to be exactly herself when she is ready to be with someone again, but I hope she’ll be ready for me too.
“Ready for what?” Mama presses.
“She was a stay-at-home mom most of their marriage, and loved it,” I answer indirectly. “Now her ex is in prison, and she’s providing for herself and her girls. Standing on her own. Has her independence. She wants to enjoy that and make sure she’s healthy.”
“I admire that,” Mama says. “What does Tremaine think?”
“I haven’t talked to her about it.”
“You wantmenot to talk to her about it?”
Divorce didn’t change anything between Mama and my ex-wife, who bonded like mother and daughter almost from the beginning. They talk all the time, not having missed a beat when things changed between Tremaine and me.
“I’d prefer to bring it up with her myself, yeah,” I tell her. “And there’s not really much to say at this point. We’re not dating or anything.”
“Oh, I hear someanythingin your voice, and that’s saying something.”
“I like her a lot,” I reply quietly, not embarrassed by my feelings for Soledad, but also not wanting to pull them out for someone else to poke at and examine. “And I hope when she’s ready, we can see where that could go. For now, we’re just friends.”
“‘Just friends,’ huh?” Mama teases, but she shrugs. “Okay. I’ll let it be until further notice. Does she know about the boys?”
“You mean that my situation is complicated by two amazing boys who need a lot of support? She does. Her situation is involved too. She has three daughters who are adjusting to everything being different, especially their father being incarcerated.”
“Do they know you were the one who discovered what he was up to?”
“Yeah, they know. I can’t imagine I’m their favorite person.”
“They don’t know about… whatever isnotgoing on between you and their mother?”
“Correct.”
“Whoo-wee, you getting messy down there in Atlanta, but what’s supposed to be, will be.”
“Yeah, how’s Dad?” I ask, wanting to talk about anything other than my would-be love life. “Taking his meds? Sticking to his diet?”
“I watch him like a hawk, but he cheats from time to time. His numbers look good, though. Cholesterol down. Blood pressure down. What about the boys? Any changes to their meds? You look at that study I sent on coadministering clobazam with CBD? May help reduce seizures.”
The nurse has entered the building. From the beginning Mama has been involved with the boys’ treatments and medications, even several states away.
“I saw it. Tremaine and I heard about it too. We’re talking to some parents who tried it about the efficacy, side effects, et cetera… Adam’s in a pretty good place right now. Not nearly as many seizures as before.”
“I just don’t want my baby to end up in the emergency room again.” Mama draws and expels a deep breath. “I’ll be down there so fast.”
“I know, Mama,” I tell her, letting her love and concern for the boys touch me by extension.
“I better go,” she says. “Your daddy will be back from Home Depot soon. Got it in his head to plant a garden. May be something your girlfriend put in his head.”
“She’s not…” I shake my head and give up because this woman has been pushing my buttons since before I had buttons. “Bye, Mama.”
“Bye, Judah.” She smirks, but the look in her eyes tells me she likes the idea of me finding someone, even if that someone isn’t ready to be with me… yet. “I love you.”
“Love you too, Ma.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
SOLEDAD