Page 59 of Ford

“Sorry.”

Ham looked at Ford, something level and unwavering. “I would do it all again. McCord was a good man. The kind of man I’d follow anywhere. He used to say that he didn’t show up where God hadn’t gone first. That he didn’t worry about fixing anything—that God already had it figured out. He was just following orders.”

Ford nodded as if he agreed, and Scarlett looked at his reflection in the window. She knew Ford was a man of faith—his entire family was—but something about Ham’s words lodged in his expression.

And it sort of bugged her that Ford might let God decide where, and how, He might show up. “What about the places God doesn’t go? Doesn’t show up? Who fixes that?”

Ham looked at her and frowned. “Where would that be?”

She gave a laugh. “My entire life?” She leaned back, pulled up a knee, wrapped her hand around it. “God was about as present as Santa Claus, and let me tell you, I stopped believing in him when I was four, so…” She lifted a shoulder, not sure where the venom came from.

Ham nodded. “I get that. It’s hard to see God at work when we’re not looking for Him—”

“Oh, I looked for Him. I prayed, hard, that He’d show up when…” She looked away, then back to Ham. “My mother had a few boyfriends who weren’t exactly nice to me.”

Something flickered in Ham’s eyes, a rise of something oddly protective, even painful. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, well. I’m glad there’s guys like you and Ford in the world. I really am. Because maybe you can show up where God doesn’t.” She got up. “Or won’t. I’m going to the bathroom.”

She pushed her way into the hallway, not sure why her heart was beating so hard, why she felt like crying. But the last thing she needed was God deciding if she was worth saving or not.

She’d bet she’d get thenot.

“Scarlett.”

She turned, and Ford had come out of the compartment, walking toward her.

She took a breath. An apology was on her lips but couldn’t quite make it out.

“Hey,” he said, coming close, but not touching her. “Are you okay?”

And now, no—no—stupid, crazy tears blurred her eyes. “Yeah—” She ran the palm of her hand across her eyes. “Sorry. I don’t know why I’m so…maybe I’m just tired.”

“Or maybe you’re hurting. Because yeah, from your point of view, I can see why you might think God didn’t show up. That He stood aside while He watched you get hurt—”

“Raped,” she said quietly. “By my mother’s boyfriend, Gary.”

He drew in a breath. Swallowed hard. His eyes sheened and he looked away. Nodded. Outside, they were starting to enter suburbs, the neighborhoods of small, red-roofed houses becoming more dense.

Yep. The truth hurt, and her wounds spilled out into her voice. “Admit it, Ford. God abandoned me. Just like my mother. I don’t know what I have to do—or be—to matter to God. So, it’s easier to believe that He simply didn’t care—or didn’t exist—than to come to the realization that I don’t matter.”

“You matter.”

She held up her hand, cutting off his words. “Listen, if I think for one minute that He is going to save me, if I start relying on Him to care, to show up, to believe that I matter, then I’m going to be in big trouble. I know. I’ve been there. And I’m not going to set myself up for heartache. I am in this alone, and I know it.”

Ford turned to her then, something fierce and almost bone shaking in his expression. “No you’re not. BecauseI’mnot going to abandon you.”

The force of his words shuddered through her. “Ford—”

“No, you listen to me. Maybe that’s why God sent me into your life because whatever happens, I will show up for you, Red.Whateverhappens.” He met her eyes, holding hers with his, a dark gravity to them that made his words find her bones.

But she couldn’t let the words take root. Because no one could make those kinds of promises. Especially a Navy SEAL, a man committed to saving the world. The minute she let those words sink in was the minute she’d lose control of her heart.

Only the rumble of his words, the sincerity of his gaze kept her from shaking her head. She nodded. Turned away.

Felt his eyes on her back as she continued down the corridor to the head.

Inside the tiny bathroom, she splashed water on her face, her heart pounding.