Page 61 of Ford
“With—”
“Distractions. Or should I say, off-mission behavior?”
Ford frowned, shook his head.
“Nez said something about you going rogue on a mission a month or so ago. Something about a truck of terrorists—”
“They were following us, would have sabotaged our exfil.”
“And then a week ago, you threw a grenade into a closed room and took a header off a cliff?”
Ford just looked at him. Then away.
Ham took a breath. “I get it. When I first joined the teams, it was fresh off my dad’s remarriage, and I was angry all the time. I made it through BUD/S fueled by that anger. I wanted to show him, and maybe myself, that I was tougher than the hurt inside. And that boiled out into some of my early missions. Got in over my head, was a bit of a lone wolf. Only problem is, you can’t be a lone wolf on a SEAL team.”
“I know that.”
“Being a lone wolf is really just fear that it won’t work out unless you do it your way. That unless you take care of it, it won’t succeed. If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself, right?”
Ford’s jaw tightened.
“Truth is, going rogue isn’t about bravery, but pride. And fear.”
“I’m not afraid.”
Ham drew in a breath. “I don’t know you, Ford. But my guess is that you’re trying to prove something. I’d like to know what it is.”
“I’m just trying to get my sister out of Russia.”
“Or you could have let the CIA handle it.”
Ford looked up at him.
Ham held up his hand. “I’m here, aren’t I? I’m just saying—you’re risking a lot should you get caught. A SEAL in FSB hands?”
“We’re not in the Cold War anymore.”
“It’s getting pretty chilly. Don’t tell me that you wouldn’t be a valuable catch.”
“Or you.”
“I’m old news. You’re cutting technology.” A smile tweaked up one side of his face.
Ford looked out the window. The dawn was slicing through the darkness, a blade of golden light across the horizon. “My sister nearly died because of me when I was a kid. We got caught in a cave, and I…I was too afraid to leave her to get help.”
“Because you were too afraid to leave her…or too afraid?”
Ford looked at him. “I wasn’t afraid. But my family thought I was. My dad found us. It was a miracle, really. One minute we were sitting in pitch darkness, then this light appeared. And right behind it, my dad. He looked right at me and wore such a…I don’t know…a look of disappointment on his face. Like I was a little kid instead of…well, one of my brothers.”
“You’re the youngest.”
“Youngest son. My sister is technically the youngest child.”
“You’re related to one of my former teammates—Fraser Marshall, right?”
Huh. “Yeah. He’s my cousin.”
“He retired, too, just recently. Works for me in Jones, Inc. But if you come from the same stock, I can imagine your brothers were hard to live up to.”