Page 131 of One Last Shot

“Pop, I need to talk to you.”

“Me too, son. Something I need to tell you.” Arie looked askance at him. “Let’s get some coffee.”

And now Oaken’s gut tightened. He was ten again and in trouble for scaringthe chickens.

They went inside his father’s house, the one Arie had moved to after his family had moved out of the big house. A simple house, two chairs resting on the front porch, now dirty from winter. Inside, the place felt homey, with a small kitchen, a round table with today’s paper folded by an empty cup of coffee. Attached to it was a small living room, his father’s recliner worn and facing the flatscreen. Three bedrooms down the hall, one of them converted to an office.

Oaken had slept in his old room, on a twin bed.

His father went into the kitchen and grabbed his empty cup off the table. Then he emptied the coffeepot and started a new brew.

“So who goes first?” His father folded his arms, leaning against the counter.

“Me,” said Oaken, mostly because, well, who knew what might come out of his father’s mouth, and... “Pop. I’m here to tell you that... I’m angry with you.”

His father raised an eyebrow. “Are you?”

“Yep. Or at least, I was. Or maybe I still am—I don’t know. I just... why didn’t you go after us when Mom took us to Nashville?”

His father’s mouth opened. And then he let out a laugh. “Oh. Okay. I thought—” He shook his head. “Never mind.” He drew in a breath, took off his hat, and set it on the table. “Well, son, truth is, I was selfish.”

Oaken just blinked at him. “What?”

“It started with me being angry. And then, honestly, I was scared. I’d only known ranching, and...” He shook his head. “I didn’t know what I could do down there in Nashville, and I just saw your mother leaving me and me ending up with nothing. So I thought only about myself.” He made a wry face. “I guess that’s how it ended up anyway. But I always sort of thought she’d come back to me. You know, after Hollie didn’t make it.”

“But Holliedid make it.”

“Yep. And then I was too ashamed of myself to show up at your mom’s door with my hat in hand. So...” He lifted a shoulder. “Again, selfish.”

Anger. Fear. Pride. And yes, selfishness.

The coffee had stopped brewing, and he filled his mug, then Oaken’s.

“I remember the fight. Right before we left...” Oaken looked at the coffee. “She called you selfish. And then she calledmeselfish because I didn’t want to go either.”

“Well, she was right. And maybe she was a little selfish too. Because fear is at the root of selfishness, son. It’s that fear that God won’t provide for you or protect you, so you take control back. That’s why God says so many times, ‘Do not fear.’ Because fear leads to anger, which leads to selfishness... which leads to being alone. Most of all, people who fear end up doing stupid things. They hurt people. Destroy lives. Like I did to you and your sister.”

Huh.And with those words, Moose toed into Oaken’s mind.“So you let anger get a root inside you and tell you lies.”

He took the mug his father held out to him. “I didn’t know that you and God had... well, that you two were talking.”

His father slid onto a chair. “A lot happened after Hollie died. You started singing. Your mom moved to Florida, and I... I got real lonely. Started getting to know my friend Jim.”

Arie drew in a breath. “And then one night, I was just broken. And I wanted it to be over.”

Oaken’s eyes widened. “What? Why didn’t you call me?”

Arie lifted a shoulder. “Pride? Shame? Your uncle found me... and he was angry too—real angry. And of course, that was fear too. And he got in my face and told me that I was my own worst enemy. That I could spend my life angry and afraid and alone... or I could realize that God loved me. Even in my pitiful state. Like the prodigal son in the Bible, mucking aboutwith the pigs. His father saw him coming a long way off and ran to him. Because he’d been waiting for him.”

He took a sip of coffee. “See, God doesn’t wait for us to come to him. He comes after us. He moves first, Oaken. Even when it feels like we’re the ones running to him. He’s already out there, searching for us. And that just... it just broke me.” He looked away, swallowed, searching for his composure as sunlight filled the tiny kitchen.

And for a moment, Moose filled in the space, his words echoing in Oaken’s mind.“God is not content leaving us in our lies. He wants to set us free, and he’ll keep running after us, in every storm, trying to get our attention.”

His father turned back toward him, his composure tucked back in.

“God put me back together. Told me I was safe. And loved. And forgiven. And that all I had to do was... trust.” He met Oaken’s eyes. “So, that’s a long answer to a short question. I’m sorry I didn’t come after you, son.” His eyes had turned glossy. “More than you can know.”

Oaken swallowed. Met his eyes.Now.“Pop. I forgive you.”