Page 51 of Up All Night
“Then you’ll find something, land on your feet.” I struggled to keep my upbeat attitude in the face of his dour resignation.
“That’s not how it works for me.”
“Because you don’t stay and fight.” I was done tap dancing around the real issue. Not bad luck, rising land values, or even nomadic natures. I didn’t buy Denver’s theory that he simply wasn’t capable of roots.
“Why?” Denver shrugged, body rolling under mine. “Why fight to be someplace that doesn’t want me? All the signs point to it being time to move on.”
“Maybe you’re looking at the wrong signs.” I shifted against him, ass grinding as I gave him another pointed look.
“Good sex isn’t a sign.”
“This is more than good sex, and you know it.” I hopped off his lap, and this time, not at all surprisingly, he let me.
“I warned you I wasn’t sticking around.”
“Is this how it always goes for you?” I wanted to be sympathetic, but I was having a hard time reconciling his choices. “You find a place, start to feel comfortable, make some connections, and then…what? Cold feet?”
“More likes signs. Something pushing me on my way.” His tone was pragmatic and distant like it was all the universe’s doing and out of his control. “There’s always a sign that it’s time to move on. And when I’ve ignored those signs, I’ve regretted it.”
I made a frustrated noise. I was mad at the foster system that had failed him as a kid and also furious at the people who had hurt him as an adult. However, I was desperate for him to see that I was different. “I’m not your closeted musician guy.”
“I’m well aware of that.” His voice echoed my frustration.
“I’m not going to leave you hanging for years. I came out?—”
“I told you not to do it for me.”
“I did it for me.” I wasn’t sure how many times I’d have to remind him he wasn’t responsible for me and my choices. Further, his stated desire to move on and not get attached was at odds with how responsible he acted. He cared, and his inability to see that rankled. “It doesn’t matter if you move on. I’m still gay. I still want to live my truth. No more hiding, including from myself.”
“See? You said it there. It doesn’t matter if I move on.”
“You’re being dense on purpose.” I’d paced away from his chair, but now I returned to glare down at him. “Of course it matters. I want you here.”
“You could come.” Denver’s whisper was so low I had to strain to hear it.
“What?” I dropped to a crouch, both to hear better and to stop looming over him.
“You could come.” He said the words slowly, like he was still mulling each one over. “Your dad didn’t react like you’d hoped. That firefighter is coming back from maternity leave soon, right? Maybe you’d be up for an adventure?”
He sounded so uncertain that I had no clue what he’d do if I actually said yes. But if I’d learned anything over the past few months, it was where my place was.
“All the adventure I need is right here. I’m not going to run away. My dad still has a few months before retirement. Worst comes to worst, I’ll work in a nearby town. Eric and the kids need me.”
“I ne—” Right as I was sure Denver was about to say that he needed me too, he shook his head and scowled. “Never mind. Doesn’t matter.”
“Of course it matters.” I reached up to cup his face, fingers trailing along his fuzzy jaw. “You matter.Thismatters.”
He remained statue-still even as I pressed a soft kiss to his mouth.
“What are you doing?” he whispered.
“Showing you what matters.”
ChapterTwenty-Four
Denver
“Come with me?” Sean held out a hand as he stood.