Page 36 of Off the Clock

Caleb and I walked the rest of the way to his truck in silence.

“This doesn’t have to be a big deal,” he said at last. “Not like anyone saw…you know.”

“Yep.” I exhaled hard, but the bitter tang of doubt remained. “Friends hike together all the time.”

“Exactly. Two buddies out for a hike and an escape from the heat.” Caleb made a dismissive gesture with his hand before unlocking the truck. “Nothing to see here, folks.”

“Nope.” I let out a near-manic laugh.

“You okay?” Caleb frowned. “You seem even punchier than me.”

“I’m fine.” I darn near threw myself into the passenger seat to avoid his shrewd gaze. “Fine. Just adrenaline.”

“That was a lot.” Caleb slid into the driver’s seat before stretching backward. He groaned as he twisted this way and that. “And a first. Never had quite that level of emergency on a day off.”

“Yeah. It was…unexpected.” Maybe that was why I was a mess, why I hadn’t been more helpful, why I hadn’t been the oneto take charge. I hadn’t been prepared. But I should have been. “God, I shouldn’t be this fucked up afterward.”

I hated admitting even that much, but Caleb merely shrugged, as unflappable as ever. “I’m not sure there’s a right or wrong way. The first time I saw an impalement injury, I puked afterward. It haunted me for days.”

A scoff escaped my throat. “You say that, but you were amazing back there. In charge. Calm. I was like a deer in headlights. Frozen. You’d think I’d never been a Ranger.”

“Or that you had,” Caleb said quietly. “I know you don’t want me beating the ‘Talk to someone, Tony’ drum, but seriously, you’ve been through a lot, and not simply today. Twenty years active duty. That had to take a toll.”

“Maybe,” I allowed, looking away at the forest, the vast canopy of trees on either side as we returned to Mount Hope. “Maybe you’re right, and I do have some amount of PTSD, but if I talk to someone, they might say I’m not cut out for fire rescue. And maybe they’d be right.”

My breathing sped up and my skin grew cool and clammy. Caleb pulled over to the shoulder of the road.

“Hey. Hey.” He forced me to look at his solemn expression. “Deep breaths. This was an unexpected emergency in a place you consider special and safe, not a call out on a shift.”

“Oh.” When he put it that way, my reaction seemed almost understandable. I’d never anticipated anything like this when I’d invited Caleb on what had felt like an escape from the world. Maybe that was why I’d struggled, but I wasn’t sure the explanation was enough to forgive myself.

“No rash conclusions, okay?” Caleb peered deeply into my eyes, concern and care evident in his expression. “And absolutely no beating yourself up.”

“Never.” I forced a smile, but he shook his head.

“I don’t believe you. But we need to head back and get cleaned up. You wanna share my shower if Scotty’s still gone?”

Yes. More than life itself. I managed to break eye contact, studying the floor mats instead. “Probably shouldn’t. I should head back to Eric’s, try to beat any gossip from Maren or the EMT crew.”

“Smart.” He looked as disappointed as I felt. “I’m here if you need to talk later.”

The truly smart thing would have been to say I wouldn’t and to break things off right then and there. The chances of our being discovered by people we worked with would only increase as time passed, yet all I could do was nod.

“I’ll text you later.”

“I’ll be up.”

I refused, utterly refused, to examine why Caleb’s simple reply made my whole body relax and my mind calm.

Chapter Seventeen

Caleb

“Big plans?” Sean caught up to me as we exited the fire station into a steamy summer evening. The late summer heat wave continued to march along, exactly like my super-secret fling with Tony. The one Sean absolutely couldn’t know about.

“Nope.” I hated the way my pulse galloped like a spooked pony. Every interaction these days with Sean and other supervisors felt like walking on floss stretched over the Grand Canyon. What did Sean know or suspect? Or was he simply being a decent captain and friend, and I was the one being paranoid? I had absolutely no clue, so I worked to keep my voice bright and easy. “I have to meet Scotty to sell more tickets for the football fundraiser.”

Right on cue, my phone buzzed in my pocket. No way on earth was I pulling it out right then. Chances were good that it was Scotty confirming our meeting spot downtown, but I also had a lengthy text thread going with Tony. Late-night conversations, after-work meetup arrangements, randommemes, and snarky comments and complaints, none of which Sean needed to get a whiff of.