Page 2 of Reckless With You

Imagine it. My legs are spread, and I’m face-down under the desk, my body stuck between my legs in a folded-up position.

And everyone saw.

Thankfully, I got myself out quickly and just waved it off, my cheeks flaming red as I said, “Yeah, oops.” It wasn’t until later that I realized it was because I had boobs. And even though I was short and still tiny, boobs got in the way of everything.

I might love them now, but I didnotlove them when I was in school.

See, that was a mistake. One that I buried and only thought of every once in a while. Usually, it was when I was anxious about something else. Or when I was about to go to bed, knowing that I needed to wake up early the next morning. That’s when I thought about all of my wrong choices.

Because I hadn’t gone to therapy. Instead, I thought about every wrong choice and mistake right when I needed to go to sleep.

Or when I knew that I could possibly make another one.

Like tonight. Tonight, might be a mistake. But I hoped it wouldn’t be. I had been waiting for months for this. Years.

Because I knew there was someone I was destined to be with.

While I understood why I didn’t truly believe in fate and everlasting happiness and love— you really couldn’t in the house I grew up in—I did think that some things were meant to be. Was that fate?

Or was that just a long line of decisions that didn’t turn into mistakes?

That was what I needed to worry about.

Because tonight, I was going to make something happen. I wasn’t going to wait any longer.

It was all about a boy.

Yes, a boy. One who had been sitting next to Lee in that class, who tried his best to go under the table once and made it happen. One who hadn’t laughed when I got stuck.

Instead, he had dropped his book from his desk on purpose, forcing everyone to look at him, including the teacher.

Everybody soon forgot about the fact that I’d gotten stuck. At least, that’s what I told myself.

Because I didn’t really want to think about anyone talking about me behind my back. I didn’t like it now, and I sure as heck hadn’t liked it when I was a teen.

But that boy had been my best friend. He still was.

I actually didn’t know when Tobey and I had become best friends. I just remember waking up one day and knowing that he was my best friend.

And the love of my life.

I don’t really remember when I fell in love with him either.

He’s weirdly always been there, forever a part of me.

And I love him with every ounce of my being.

So, yes, maybe it’s cheesy, perhaps it’s that fate thing that I told myself I couldn’t and shouldn’t believe in.

But I loved Tobey.

Tobey McMillan, who, oddly enough, looked a little like Tobey Maguire. At least when the actor was going through that hot stage instead of the awkward one.

Tobey with an E. The Tobey who had always been there for me.

I honestly didn’t remember when everything with us started. He’d just shown up one day in like middle school or something. Or was it elementary school?

We shared a lunch in the cafeteria, mostly because I wanted half of his ham and cheese, and he wanted half of my tuna fish.