Page 27 of Reckless With You

Tobey stood up and slid his hands into his pants’ pockets.

His hair flopped over his face, but he didn’t move it back. It took everything within me not to race over there and do it for him.

I used to have that right. At least IthoughtI had.

Now, I had clearly crossed a line, and I didn’t know if I could ever come back from that.

“You’re here,” I said, surprising myself.

“We need to talk,” he said. I nodded.

“Yeah, we do. And I need to apologize. Why don’t we go inside?”

“We need to talk right now, okay?”

I nodded tightly, drawing in my stomach. “Okay.”

“You’re still my friend, Amelia.”

“That’s good because I always want to be. You’re my friend, too, Tobey.”

“You’re always going to be my friend.”

There was an episode ofThe Big Bang Theorywhen someone said that the wordalwaysdidn’t sound good every time. This was one of those times.Alwaysmade it worse.

“Let’s just forget about everything. Let’s start from where we were before all of this happened.”

I didn’t miss the wince that flashed across his face, and my heart shattered a bit more. A little clink sounded as a piece fell off, metal on a tile floor as it echoed throughout the cavernous hole of my soul.

“I need some time.” He swallowed hard, and I looked directly into his eyes, hoping that he wasn’t about to break the rest of me. But I had to remember, this was my fault. This was all my fault. “Beth needs some time, too.”

Beth. Okay.

“You told her.”

“She’s my everything, Amelia. I told you that. I had to tell her.”

“I thought I was your everything.”

I hadn’t meant to say the words, and my eyes widened as I did. He simply looked at me, that same pitying expression I’d been getting a lot lately on his face. I hated it.

“You know what? Forget I said that. Time. We can do time.”

“It might be a lot of time. Beth? She means everything to me. And it’s just different now with you.”

I smiled and kept nodding. I couldn’t say anything. What was so different?

Yes, I had professed something to him, but he hadn’t told me about her. Why hadn’t he said anything? I could have saved us a lot of pain.

If she was his everything and I wasn’t, why hadn’t he mentioned her to me? To anyone?

And why did it hurt so much that he hadn’t?

He kept looking at me, and then he walked away. He didn’t touch me, didn’t say a word. He didn’t even say goodbye.

Why did that hurt so much?

And why did I feel as if I had just lost my best friend?