Page 69 of Reckless With You

“You’re right,” I said, and both of them looked at me, wide-eyed. “What?”

“We just expected you to defend him again,” Zoey said. “You always defend him.”

“Maybe. But I’m tired of that. Yes, I probably should have gone another way with telling him how I felt, but he didn’t have to lash out like he did. And he’s welcome to his feelings, but he’s been treating me weirdly, and he completely cut ties with me out of nowhere.”

“I wouldn’t say exactly out of nowhere…” Zoey trailed off.

“Okay. Not exactly out of nowhere. It was sort of a big snap, though. And I feel like he’s lying to Beth to try and make what he and I had nothing. And it wasn’t nothing. You can’t be best friends with someone for that long and then just trail off and ignore them. It’s like I’m being ghosted.”

“You are,” Zoey said. “And I’m sorry about that.”

“The more I think about it, the more I realize I don’t think I really loved him,” I said, looking down at my hands. The dirt on them had seeped into the crevices on my fingers, and I played with it with my nails. I always had dirt on my hands, something Tobey didn’t particularly like. But Tucker didn’t seem to mind.

And that was nice. Not that I should compare them.

After all, Tobey had only been a friend, a relationship where something had shattered irrevocably. And Tucker was a friend. But while we might be changing everything, it wouldn’t be permanent. He didn’t want that, and I didn’t know if I would ever be ready for something like that.

“What do you mean by that?” Erin asked, her voice soft.

“I think I wanted to love him. I think that warmth and heart and attraction I felt for him was our friendship. And it felt like we should be together. And then we weren’t. I assumed that was where we needed to be. I put so much into that thinking and wishing that I don’t think I knew what was real. I don’t think it was love. At least not the kind that is all-encompassing and beinginlove. Because I did love him, but not in the way I should have. And not in the way he clearly didn’t love me either.” I frowned. “That was a lot of double negatives.”

Zoey grinned. “Yes, but I followed. You loved him as your friend. Maybe something more, but you weren’tinlove with him. I get that. Believe me. I get that.”

I avoided her gaze as Erin and I shared a look.

Neither of us was about to touch that with a ten-foot pole.

Especially when things were already a little secretive with my brothers.

I had to tell them. But I didn’t know how.

“So, back to where we started with all of this,” Zoey said. “What are you hiding?”

I looked at them and bit my lip. “Tucker and I aren’t really dating,” I blurted.

“You mean that you totally used him as a fake relationship so we wouldn’t pity you?” Erin said deadpan.

“Maybe,” I drawled out.

“Did you really know that?” I added quickly.

“Of course, we knew that,” Zoey said, rolling her eyes. “But I’m surprised that Tucker went along with it. Though given that you guys have slept together, is it real now? Because that would be okay.”

“Devin would be okay with it,” Erin confirmed.

My heart raced, and I felt like the rug had literally been pulled out from under my feet. “Wait. Hold on. You knew this whole time? I was lying to you guys, and you let me do it?”

“We really didn’t mean for that whole thing at the coffee shop to happen. We weren’t going to set you up on a date. We mentioned you to that guy, but in a passing way. Then he saw you and wanted to take the next step.”

“I know you guys didn’t have anything to do with that. Not really. But it sort of just steamrolled into the lie. I’m so sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Erin said.

“Yes, I do. I lied. And that’s horrible.”

“But it’s not a lie anymore, is it?” Zoey said.

“It is a little. I mean, we’re not really dating.”