Page 24 of Shameless With Him

Me:We’ll talk wedding. Get it all out of the way.

Zoey:You sound so enthused. But sure. Where and when?

I thought of my favorite Asian place that had miso cod, sushi, and non-fish products in case she wanted something that had nothing to do with under the sea, and gave her the name of the place and a time.

Zoey:Sounds good, but I should warn you, I’m in a grumpy mood.

Me:I didn’t think that was possible, but I like grumpy.

Zoey:You’ve been warned.

Me:Deal.

Warned? I liked that. I just hated that Zoey was once again on my radar. Because she was a friend. Nothing more. Though nothing less either.

And yet…I wanted her. Damn it.

* * *

Zoey

What exactly was I doing?Dinner? With Caleb? Oh, yeah, this was totally part of my plan. You know, the one that didn’t actually exist. Because if I actually had a scheme, maybe I would have asked him to meet with me for dinner, rather than having him do it so we could figure out what we needed to do for Lacey and John. But back to the fact that I didn’t actually have a plan because I was too scared to write one.

There. I said it. I was too scared to write down a plan. Because what if it didn’t work?

What if I figured out that he didn’t really like me or only wanted to be my friend? What if he didn’t even want to do that? Maybe throughout all of these years of him being in my life, it was really just a proximity thing. That he had been forced to be near me throughout our individual travels all over the world.

Because it wasn’t fate.

It was just an unhappy coincidence that Caleb Carr probably didn’t even put two and two together. He likely hadn’t even realized that every time I saw him, other than when we were with family, he had another woman with him.

Even if he might not have been dating that woman at the time. I mean, I couldn’t really call it a date between him and that girl on the beach when we were kids. Only in my childhood mind, it was totally a date. He had been dating that girl, and the two of them were going to live in a house of cheese and happiness and be perfect, and I was going to be the ogre in the basement. I didn’t know why I thought I’d be in their basement, but I was eight, I couldn’t really help the places my mind went.

And it wasn’t easy that Caleb had really good taste in women. I had liked every single woman or girl I had seen him with over the years. Every one. Even if I’d only glimpsed some of them from afar.

They were sweet, polite, not at all snarky or evil like the movies or books would likely portray them. They had just been good women that Caleb had been with, and they hadn’t made me feel small or useless. Maybe it was because they didn’t think I had any chance with him, but I didn’t think that was it. Caleb just had really good taste, and that spoke highly of him. That was probably why I liked him so much.

And I really needed to stop worrying. Because this could be considered part of my plan. Even if he was the one to ask me out. Therefore, this could be part of our future. Not that I knew what our future could actually be, but I wanted to try. So, I quickly washed my hands again, wincing at the tugging of those open wounds on my fingers. No amount of Neosporin was going to help me from scarring. Roses had thorns, and so did my future.

Maybe I needed to get those words tattooed on myself.

I grinned, thinking exactly how overdramatic that was. I couldn’t help it. I loved flowers and romance, and that meant I had overdramatic thoughts of how they entwined themselves in my life.

I quickly slid my hands down my sweater dress and leggings, hoping I didn’t look too ridiculous. It’s what I had worn under my apron all day. Hopefully, it looked fine. I didn’t have any dirt stains that I could see, so I counted that as a win. Plus, this wasn’t a date, it was just a dinner to talk about another wedding. Not mine. So, everything was fine. I was fine.

And I really needed to stop saying the word fine.

I hobbled over to the restaurant, my back hurting from being bent over the counter all day. I couldn’t help but smile at the way Caleb had joked with me about fish versus sushi over texts. It was a silly thing, and everything felt normal. And it was normal. Just because I had an irrational crush on him that I wanted to actually make reality didn’t mean we couldn’t still remain friends. Because we were friends. Had been for as long as I could remember.

I’d been in Caleb’s orbit longer than I had been in Amelia’s, especially if I went into the small details. I was a couple of years older than Amelia, and that meant it hadn’t been until later that Amelia and I had truly become friends.

Caleb? We’d always been near each other. In the vicinity. Our part of the cosmos. We were the same age, after all. Had been in the same classes, walked the same halls.

We’d always been in each other’s lives. Only he didn’t know how I felt. I knew that for sure. If he had, he might’ve either run screaming…or done something about it. At least, I would like to think the latter could have happened. Or maybe I needed him to not know so he could find me on his own. Or perhaps I should stop thinking with my head in the clouds.

I turned the corner and made my way to the front of the restaurant. Caleb was already there, his hands in his suit pants’ pockets, the sleeves of his dress shirt rolled up to his elbows. That only showcased his forearms, and I couldn’t help but hold back a swoon. There was something sexy as hell about a man’s forearms. And I had no idea why. They were just forearms. But the way Caleb’s looked, all toned and tanned and muscly…

I let those thoughts trail off in my head and did my best not to think them at all. Because there was no way I was going to drool over Caleb Carr. At least, not anymore.