Page 72 of Embraced in Ink

“You’re scaring me, that’s why I keep saying your name. I don’t know what else to do.”

“I don’t know either, but this isn’t working. We never talk. We used to talk about everything, but even as I say that, I know it’s not true. The past ten years, we purposely ignored the fact that we made a promise that seemed silly. Nobody would ever fucking do it, but suddenly, we’re not backing down because Andie overheard us? What kind of fucking start to a relationship is that? I gave you a ring, one that I thought you would love, but I didn’t tell you what I feel, and you’re not telling me what you feel.”

She was so silent. He knew that the hollow sound he heard pinging around inside him was his heart breaking. But he didn’t let himself feel anything. He didn’t have time for that. Not if he wanted to salvage whatever they had.

“I don’t want to lose you. You’re my best friend, and we rushed into this way too quickly.”

“You’re right, we did.”

Another dagger.

“And I don’t want to lose you,” he repeated. “But I can’t have you. You don’t love me, Bristol.”

She opened her mouth to speak, her eyes wide, filling with tears, but he shook his head.

“You don’t love me,” he repeated. “And I don’t want to lose the friend I had, so I’m going to walk away right now. And then maybe, one day, we can get back to what we had, but I don’t know. Because I’m not the guy you need. I’m not the one you want. I’m not saying it’s Colin because we both know that’s not it either. But I can’t be the man you turn to when you’re so afraid to look to the future. And I don’t want you to be that for me either.” He added the last part even though he knew it was a lie. She was his future. He fucking loved her. But he wasn’t going to lay himself bare. Man, it would only make it harder for her to walk away.

“I love you,” she whispered.

“But what kind of love, Bristol?” he asked, his voice raw. “You need so much more than I can give you, I think. So, you go. You be the person that I always knew you could be. And I’m going to be myself here. In Boulder. Never leaving. Because my world is here, while you have the rest of the world in your hands. And I don’t think I’m the right guy for you.”

Then he turned and left, leaving part of himself behind.

He didn’t know if he was doing the right thing, and as soon as he said the words, he knew they were probably wrong. But like he’d said before, there was no going back. And wanting something from Bristol wasn’t going to make it happen. So, he left, knowing he was making a mistake. But hell, it was what he was fucking good at, wasn’t it?

Chapter 18

Bristol pulled her hair back and narrowed her eyes at the dark circles that lay under them. She hadn’t slept the night before, and that was her fault.

All of this was her fault.

She had let herself believe in something that wasn’t quite real. How could it have been real when she hadn’t voiced her true feelings? When she had been so scared to hear what Marcus had within him that she hadn’t listened to him.

This was something she would have to figure out, but she still didn’t know how, wasn’t sure if she ever would.

She brought out her concealer and covered her dark circles and then added some powder and a little mascara. The mascara would wash away later if she started to cry again, but that was fine. She would add more layers.

Anything to shield herself from what she was truly feeling. Because if she let herself dive deep beneath the layers, she’d find herself broken, a hollow husk of the woman she thought she was.

She hadn’t wanted to lose her best friend, the man she had grown to love, and so she had created this fairytale where no one needed to ask hard questions, and everything would be fine.

Only that wasn’t how the real world worked. She had broken something precious because she had been so afraid to lose it to begin with.

And there was no going back. How could she have thought there could be.

Her heart ached, and she rubbed a fist over her chest, wondering when she was going to feel whole again.

She knew the answer had to be never. How could she feel truly whole when she didn’t have Marcus by her side?

There would be no going back to him being her best friend and her trying to live up to who he was to her. There would be no going back to smiles and sly innuendos.

There would be no going back to him being part of her family and vice versa.

She was never going to be a Stearn. He was never going to be a Montgomery.

And all because she couldn’t tell him that she loved him.

Because he couldn’t love her back.