Page 21 of Forever Only Once

Chapter 5

Hazel

“But I can’t find X.”

I shook my head at my student’s words, but let a smile cross my face. This wasn’t our first set of office hours, and we had a system going by now.

“You will. Let’s do it together. All we need to do is find the pattern. That’s what this part of math is. Honestly, any math. It’s finding a pattern. And if you can remember the rules, sometimes, the pattern helps you find the solution a little faster. Other times, you have to work to see it.”

“But I’m not good at patterns. I was never good at matching things or anything like that in school before.”

I looked at Dustin, my freshman student, and wondered how many professors and teachers had told him that he wasn’t good at math. That math was for some people, and he just wasn’t it.

While I genuinely believed that not everybody needed to understand high-functioning math, I had to be honest. While it wasn’t required for every single person, I also knew that I had to give every individual a chance. It was fine if they didn’t understand every nuance on the first try. That’s why we practiced. That was why my exams weren’t the only things that weighted the grade.

Another professor who taught calculus only counted three exams as the students’ grade. The professor had gotten into trouble for weighting an entire semester’s worth of complicated calculus on one test. Therefore, he added two more tests to his schedule, each one harder than the last.

Students continually complained about it, but there wasn’t much I could do. After all, that sometimes worked. They excelled at it and continued on in their academic and professional careers to do greatness.

For students like Dustin, that wasn’t good for him. He’d had to withdraw last semester because of that professor, and now he was in my class. Although I didn’t do those exams the same way, my class was still difficult.

“Now, Dustin, let’s start where you’re comfortable, and see where we can go from there. You say you have problems with patterns? Well then, let’s find another way.”

“But what if I never get this?” he grumbled.

“If you go into this thinking you won’t, it might become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I’m not saying it’ll be easy. And I’m not saying that it will make sense right away, but we’re going to try.”

Some did end up making sense. It took the full forty minutes of his appointment with me, but he finally got through his homework.

He was exhausted, and I was a little tired, as well. I had to wonder why he was going into pre-med since when he wasn’t working on his homework, he spoke of writing, something he loved, and his hatred of math and science. But it wasn’t my place to point that out, at least not yet. Further on into the semester, when I got to know him better, maybe I could bring it up and help him figure it out. After all, just because he wasn’t good at calculus didn’t mean he couldn’t do everything else that was required for his degree.

Although, the sadness in his gaze hit me hard. I wanted him to do well. To succeed. And that was why I did these additional office hours with him—and a few of my other students.

After setting up our next appointment, I leaned back in my chair and settled my thoughts. I had regular office hours coming up later in the day, but this was a standing appointment between the two of us. I had that with a couple of other students, as well, and it sometimes seeped into my research time, but it was worth it.

Getting into college was a huge thing, and there was so much pressure put on these kids starting at age fourteen or so. Now, they were eighteen and nineteen years old, possibly on their own for the first time, and a lot of them didn’t know how to study. They knew how to take tests, they knew how to pass high school, but studying in a collegiate setting wasn’t a skill that a lot of people had.

They had to teach themselves all over again how to get it done because there weren’t a lot of ways to learn otherwise. There were study groups, and there were helpful hints and classes along the way, but sometimes, it just didn’t happen.

I wasn’t someone who could change the system, I didn’t have that power, but I could help where I could.

“Time to get work done,” I whispered to myself as I pulled my salad out of my mini-fridge and then got to work on my research. The other part of my office was covered in whiteboards and had a high-tech computer so I could get my work done. But right now, I just needed to focus on my notebook and scarf down this salad.

Sadly, I’d forgotten the dressing at home, so it wasn’t going to be that great. I hadn’t really been on top of my game for the past couple of days, and I blamed my accidental blind date for that. Oh, I probably could have blamed something else like stress over work, or my students, but it was nothing like that.

No, it was the date.

Cross.

And the fact that he hadn’t texted yet.

Or called.

Not that most people called these days, but it could happen. It just hadn’t.

I didn’t know why I had put so much hope in the idea that he would. I didn’t even know him. Just because we had gotten along well didn’t mean we would have anything more. It was just a one-off, a beautiful night that had started off on a very different trajectory.

I didn’t know why I was so disappointed that he hadn’t contacted me. I had his number, and I hadn’t reached out either. It just felt weird. And that was my problem.