Page 67 of Forever Only Once

I hoped that I wasn’t stressing her out. Or making things worse.

Because I was still trying to figure out what I wanted when it came to Hazel, and I knew she had way more baggage than even I did.

Considering that I had a huge family and a coworker who was stealing from me and acting sketchy as fuck, that was saying something.

My fingers moved before I even really knew what was happening.

Me: When am I going to see you again?

Hazel: I think we planned dinner tomorrow, didn’t we?

I cursed.

Me: I forgot. But yes, dinner tomorrow.

Hazel: Thanks for taking your time with me, Cross. I know I seem hot and cold at times, but that’s because I’m trying to figure this out.

I picked up my phone and dialed her number.

“Hey,” I said as she answered.

“Hey.”

“I was tired of texting. My fingers are too big for this fucking phone.”

“I would make a penis joke or ask what exactly you can do with your fingers, but I think we know exactly what you’re good at.”

I smirked.

“You know. But before you sputter or I say something moronic, just know that I like what we’re doing. I know we’re both trying to figure this out, but I’m trying to be more open. I’m trying to figure out what I want to say. I’m just not good with words.”

“I think you’re better than you think you are.”

“Oh?” I asked.

“Yes. And thanks for giving me time. I wasn’t ready for this, even though I said I was going into dating with that pact and all. I’m just not sure I was ready for you.”

We were both silent for a moment, stunned by her honesty. I swallowed hard.

“The Bradys are hard to be ready for.”

She laughed, and I was glad that she’d let me off the hook with that remark. Because I didn’t know what I wanted, not when my professional life was up in the air.

My family was steady, but work wasn’t.

As for Hazel? Why did I feel like she was the other steady part of my life? I barely knew her. We were just figuring out who we were as a couple.

But I felt like we could be something more, and this feeling within me, this gut-churning, scary, palms-going-clammy feeling had to be something.

Did I love her?

I had never loved a woman before. Never said the words, other than to my family.

But as I heard her voice and her laugh as we talked about her day and then mine and just tried to keep ourselves rooted in whatever steadiness we could, I wondered if I loved her.

And then I wondered what that would mean for tomorrow, and the next day, and the next.