Page 89 of Forever Only Once
“You’re here,” I whispered.
“I am, Hazel. Fuck. That scream just now… I never want to hear it again. Holy hell. It’s already in my nightmares from the cabin, and hearing it again? Fuck.”
“I startle easily. I’m working on it. Cross. Am I hurting you?”
“No, you’re not touching the wound. But you already knew that. You know exactly where it is.”
I was talking to his chest while holding him, inhaling his scent. I never wanted to let go.
I just wanted to hold him.
“I can’t believe I almost lost you.”
“I was thinking the same fucking thing.”
“Come in, let’s talk.”
“Let me just hold you.”
And then I heard him inhale, and I sank into him, just holding him for a little bit longer.
I wasn’t sure how long we stood there before he finally let me go but gripped my hands.
“Invite me inside?”
I already had, but I did so again. Then, we were both inside, and I was locking the door behind me like I always did, knowing he was watching me, making sure every single deadbolt was locked.
“I’m glad you’re still doing that,” he whispered.
“It doesn’t make me neurotic or paranoid?” I asked.
“My brothers and brother-in-law helped me put more locks on my door. I think we’re all going to be a little paranoid and neurotic for a while. But that’s fine. Because fuck, Hazel. I almost lost you, and I don’t know what I would have done if I had.”
“I need to tell you that I’m sorry.”
Anger flashed in his gaze, and I winced.
“You better not be sorry for what happened.”
“I can be sorry you were involved in it, even though I know it wasn’t my fault. That was what was running through my head during your hospital stay, and it’s why I acted the way I did. But I was just going through the motions. I wasn’t thinking clearly. Now, though, I want to say I’m sorry for leaving like I did. I shouldn’t have done that. I should have waited and tried to think it through, talk to you. But I didn’t know the words were coming out of my mouth that day until they were said. I hurt you. Hurt you more than going through surgery and being shot. And I’m not sure I can ever forgive myself for that.”
Cross cursed again, but I didn’t flinch. I loved the sound of his voice. I loved that he was here. I loved him.
“I kept thinking about what I would have done had the situation been reversed.”
My breath caught at his words, and hope flared. I tamped it down. I was still afraid to hope.
“Only…Hazel? Please, just never do that again. Never leave me. I know I probably sound like Thomas right now. I need to stop.”
My eyes widened, and I moved forward, putting my hands on his chest. “No. That’s not the things Thomas said. He told me to never leave him because I was his possession. I’ve had years of therapy to get through that. But I’m not your possession, just like you’re not mine. However, I want to be yours in a way. I never should have left. I shouldn’t have walked away when things got tough. But I was scared of what I was feeling, what had happened, and I wasn’t thinking properly. I was on my way to you. I swear. I was going to fall to my knees and beg you for forgiveness. Because I love you, Cross Brady. I love you so much. I never thought I could love like this. What I had with Thomas before? That wasn’t love. It was a one-sided infatuation that I told myself was love, and it got twisted into something horrible.”
“Hazel,” Cross whispered.
I shook my head, cutting him off. “No, let me finish. I love you to the depths of my soul. You make me smile and laugh. You make me think. You make me feel like I can do anything. I walked away because I blamed myself for what happened. If you can’t forgive me for that, I’ll understand. But I want you to know that I’ll never do it again. I’ll never walk away when things get hard or if I blame myself. I’ll talk to you. I’ll just try not to have a slight concussion when that happens.”
I laughed softly when he did, knowing that I was rambling.
“Can I touch you?” he whispered, and I nodded. He slid his hands through my hair, and I remembered that I had cut it since I had last seen him.