Page 32 of Moments in Ink
This time, she did smile.
“Your ex sucks. I’m sorry. I’m so goddamn sorry for what he did to you. And when you’re ready to tell me everything, because I know there has to be more, I’m here for you. Because like I said, I’m falling in love with you, and I’m like a barnacle. It’s going to be really hard to pry me away from your life.”
“I make bad choices. I don’t want those choices to hurt you,” she whispered.
“Ash was a bad choice. But I’m not.” I swallowed hard, keeping the tears at bay. “I don’t get to be a bad choice again.”
“You’re not a bad choice, that’s not what I’m saying.”
“No? Then why do I feel like it is? I fell in love before. Twice before you. And I thought those were the right decisions.”
“It’s too soon,” she whispered.
“You don’t get to tell me how I feel and when to feel it. If you don’t love me? If you’re never going to love me? Then that’s something we can talk about.” I let the pain of those words slam into me, but I swallowed them and ignored it. I would just have to push it down. “I fell in love with Edward. The perfect man. He reminded me of an actual prince from England. He smiled, and he growled a bit, and I loved him. And he belittled me and hated what I did and made sure I felt like I was nothing. Because I wasn’t the perfect person. He didn’t like my hair or my tattoos. He didn’t like the way I remained friends with my ex-girlfriend. He didn’t like the fact that I liked pussy as much as I liked dick. He didn’t like any of that. And I didn’t realize it until it was too late. Because he was so good at hiding himself. I loved him. And I was wrong.”
“Baby.”
I shook my head. “And I loved Bristol, too. I loved her. I don’t love her the same way anymore. And I’m glad. Because I was never enough for her.” I swallowed hard at the emotion, and Meredith reached out, her hand rising before she let it fall. Good. I wasn’t sure I would be able to breathe if she touched me. “I loved Bristol, and she didn’t love me the same way. I wasn’t enough for her.”
“That’s a lie. You’re more than enough.”
“Really? Then why am I not enough for you?”
“That’s a low blow.”
“We’re pretty good at giving those out right now, aren’t we? I know you’re scared. I know that what happened with your ex was horrible. And we’re going to talk about it in more detail. I promise. But you don’t get to push me away because you’re scared.”
“I wasn’t expecting you. I wasn’t expecting any of this,” Meredith said. “I was supposed to heal here. Find myself and be me.”
“And you can do all of that. I want all the same things. But I want to do them with you. So, let me be the person by your side. Let me figure this out with you.”
I felt like I was burying myself, and I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think.
How the hell had this happened? For a third time. Somehow, I was doing this for a third time, and if Meredith walked away, I did not know what part of me would be left.
“I’ve made mistakes before, I don’t want to be yours,” Meredith said, and I let out a breath.
“I understand that fear, but you don’t get to make my choices. You can walk away if you don’t want me. I will break, and I will fight, but you will never be my mistake.”
“I don’t want to walk away from you.”
Relief flooded me, and I almost went down to my knees. Instead, I looked at her and reached out to tuck her hair behind her ear.
“I won’t walk away. But you don’t get to walk away either.”
“I’ve only loved one other person, and I was wrong about him.”
“And I’ve loved two others. I was wrong about one, and not the right fit for the other.”
“And I’m third best?” she teased, but I needed to be honest about this. I didn’t hear fear in her voice, but just the same, I needed to be sure she understood. We both did.
“Never. We all have pasts. We all have shames that might not be worth it in the end, but here we are. So, let’s take a chance. Hell, I am. We’re all moments in time, moments in ink.” I looked down at my new ink and shrugged. “We’re all moments in what we carve out for each other. But we can do this.”
“And what is this?” she asked, her voice low as she leaned forward.
“Whatever we want it to be. Because we can take a chance. I promise you.”
And when Meredith leaned forward and brushed her lips against mine, I knew we were going to take that chance.