Page 125 of Under the Waves

He frowned as my laugh faded. His eyes caught mine anddidn’t let go as he said, “Wellsy…it makes you my entire fuckingworld.”

I wish you were sober, Jasper Ridge.

My heart cracked inside my chest, those stone-cold walls shattering to pieces.

I wish I wasn’t a drunken thought of yours.

Before I even knew what I was doing, I reached towards the cupboard by the sink, earning a groan from Jasper, and took out the small bottle of shampoo. Turning back to face him, shampoo in hand, I was met with the biggest pair of honey-brown eyes that had me questioning everything. A million thoughts seemed to shine in his softening gaze. I bit down on my bottom lip as I handed him the bottle with a little nod of my head.

“Lavender?” he chuckled, the sound relaxing almost every nerve in my body. His brows raised as he looked at me.

“I-I…” I stuttered, feeling completely bare before him, despite the multitude of physical layers between us. “I remember you saying it was the best scent to help you feel safe falling asleep at night…”

“You heard that?” He questioned before shaking his head. “Well, Wellsy? Was I right?”

I waited for a beat before slowly shaking my own head. “I barely sleep anymore, and even when I do, I rarely ever sleep well.Hell, I rarely ever feel safe enoughtosleep.”

I didn’t know why I admitted that to him, but the softening of his eyes at my words reminded me of his words from the beach.Start taking down some of those walls you hide behind.Well, that was me trusting him—at least, starting too. One truth at a time.

Reaching out his hand as he stood up, my eyes widened the size of golf balls as his fingers hooked underneath the band of my jeans. I had always been a tall kid but standing next to Jasper Ridge made me look like a tiny ant. His presence swallowed me whole, and for some reason, I didn’t want to be anywhere else than pressed up against his body with his hands on my jeans and those majestic eyes looking down at me with stars sowed across them.

“Jas…” I warned quietly, not entirely wanting the moment to slip through my fingers. “We shouldn’t—I mean…I—”

“Shhh,” he hummed, staring down at me, lips slightly parted. “We aren’t going to do anything, Wellsy.”

A part of me, deep down, shattered.

I told you.

He didn’t want you, Poppy.

No one did.

“Hey, don’t look at me with those sad green eyes.”

“What?” I barely managed to croak out the words as they clawed their way out my throat, taking a tremendous amount of effort to stop my eyes from watering.

His thumb gently stroked the side of my cheek as he tilted my head up to meet him. “I didn’t do this to myself just so you’d lay yourself bare before me, Wellsy, you have to know that. It’s not that I don’t want to see you like that, because trust me, I fucking do, okay? I just—I just need to do this for you. Will you let me do this for you?”

I never realized until now how much Jasper needed to help people to settle the wars inside his own mind. He was a pathological people pleaser who carried the weight of everyone he cared about on his back. I didn’t want to be another piece of straw on the stack of hay. I couldn’t do that to him. I refused to.

I couldn’t break him too.

“Every girl in the school—Hell, practicallyeveryonelooks at you like they want something from you. Like they only see the things you can do for them and not the real you…I don’t want you to think I only see you for all the things you do for me because you deserve so much better than that, Jasper. Youareso much more than that.”

His eyes, swollen and glistening, looked down at me with a thousand words hidden within them.

“You really have no idea how special you are, do you?” he spoke after a while, voice rough and hoarse, barely above a whisper.

A small blush patterned my cheeks as I tilted my head down away from his longing gaze.

“Please, Wellsy.”

Those two words held all the power in the world in that moment, and it was because of them that I slowly handed the shampoo bottle over to him as I gently nodded my head. “Be careful, though. My curls make it messy and hard andextremelyannoying to wash so I’d understand if you no longer wanted to do thi—”

“Your curls are gorgeous, Poppy,” he interrupted, tilting my face up again, pressing a feather-light kiss to the side of my jaw, just below my ear. “Youare gorgeous, and besides, I learnt how to wash curly hair from back when we first met…I remember you fighting with yourself in the showers after a heat, trying to sort out your curls, and I thought to myself,if I learnt how to do that, I could help you. Maybe then you wouldn’t have looked so sad all the time.”

His words trailed off as I stood there like putty in his hands.