Page 132 of Under the Waves
I nodded over to where my small closet lay. Jasper walkedover without a word and opened it. I could hear his rasping breath radiate throughout my bedroom. As he returned, he handed me a pair of matching cotton pink pjs. My cheeks heated as I took them from him, placing them down gently next to me on the bed. I didn’t think any of my clothes would fit him, except maybe…
“You kept this?” Jasper rasped in disbelief, his expression pained as he held up my red marvel hoodie that was starting to fall apart at the seams.
I stood up, swaying a little on my feet as I tried to regain my balance. Stars painted my vision, but I waited them out until they disappeared, blurring into the background. Jasper had given me that hoodie when we were kids.
“How could I not?” I whispered quietly. His eyes softened, those big dark pupils wholly dilated as he smiled ever so gently at me. Golden brown curls stuck to his forehead, small droplets dripping down the side of his jaw. Only a small white towel hung around his waist as I took in his drenched form. He looked beautiful under the haze of darkness coating my bedroom, the only visible light coming from the moon outside, so silver and ethereal.
Gently taking the hoodie from his hands, Jasper dipped his head down slightly so I could tug the red fabric over his head. When he lent back up, his lips brushed the corner of my cheek ever so slightly, the mere touch lighting every inch of my body on fire. Those golden-brown eyes were glassy and reddish, and locked onto mine with the force of an entire universe. Neither of us dared breathe as he pulled the hoodie down over his bare chest. The loose crimson fabric plastered to every muscle, highlighting every inch of him, leaving nothing hidden. He grinned, almost shyly as he caught me staring. Everything around me seemed to blur, except for Jasper who remained the only thing in focus.
The center of my world.
My sunlight.
Time passed almost in a blur; my heart felt so full I thought it might explode. We lay sprawled across my bed, a tangled mess of bed sheets and cotton and limbs as the end credits toAvengers: Infinity Warechoed to a halt in the background. I was tucked between Jasper’s arm and his chest, caged in completely yet I feltentirelysafe.
This was where I was meant to be.
I dozily grazed my fingers over his chest, completely and utterly lost in the essence of him. Jasper gently captured my wrist, tugging it against him so it rested just above his heart. His lips softly grazed my skin as he lazily stroked my palm. All his movements seized when I turned my wrist around. I froze entirely beneath him, my eyes following his to where I knew my secrets lay. Almost instinctively, I squeezed my eyes shut, my free hand covering them, unable to even look at myself out of puredisgust.
“Hey,” he whispered softly. “Don’t hide those big, sad green eyes from me. You know they’re my favorite thing to look at.”
“I wish you were sober right now, Jasper Ridge,” I said defeatedly, blinking back tears as I peaked at him through the small gaps between my fingers.
“Doesn’t change the way I feel about you, my little surfer girl with the big green eyes.”
“You don’t mean any of this, Jasper. Everything you feel for me isfake—”
“Does this feel fake to you?” He growled, grasping my thighs and pulling my body so I lay atop of him, straddling his waist. In one smooth motion, Jasper tugged my hands over his chest and placed them directly above his thundering heart.
“N-no…” I squeaked, unable to process any words at all when he looked at me like he wanted todevourme whole. My cheeks warmed and I…I didn’t mind it.
“I amweakfor you, Wellsy. Completely and utterly done for. My heart beats foryou. Only you, like it’s trying to fucking escape from my chest.”
For a moment, Jasper and I stayed like that, a mess of limbs and bed sheets, locked around each other almost as if we were afraid the other would simply float away. All the tension of the day drained away as he held me, gaze locked onto mine and that cute smile playing on his lips. Simply inhaling and exhaling with Jasper Ridge was enough to make my heart beat a mile a minute and for my cheeks to turn a bright shade of pink.
“In another life, Jasper Ridge, I reckon I could have saved myself enough to love you.”
“Why not in this life?” He whispered, glancing at me withthese big brown eyes that were nothing if not utterly devastated. Jasper Ridge looked at me as if I had just broken his heart into a million pieces. I looked away, unable to stand the heavy weight of his gaze any longer. Each of those pieces pierced straight through my worn out, deflated heart.
“Because I am unfixable in this one,” I whispered back, letting the words I’d kept down, buried inside of me for so long, out into the big, wide world.
“You think you’re unfixable,” he stated, repeating my words back to himself, trying to grasp what I was truly saying. His finger dipped under my chin, turning my head back around to face him. A small frown appeared on his forehead, brows drawn.
“Why, Poppy?” he croaked out, voice thick and heavy as his words weighed down on me.
“No one has ever tried to,” I said simply.No one has ever tried to love me, Jasper Ridge.“All anyone has ever done is break me a little more each day. I lost all hope of being whole again years ago, Jasper. I don’t think I even deserve to be anymore…” I whispered those last few words without truly thinking about them. I knew from the very start that I was unlovable. Every day since then had just proven my point.
But for once, I wished someone could’ve proven me wrong…
“You do,” he gripped my cheeks, forcing me to face the longing and desperation shining there. There was nothing uncertain in the way that he glanced at me. Jasper Ridge truly believed what he was saying with his entire heart. “Let them break you, Poppy. You know why?”
“No,” I sniffled, shaking my head gently. “Why, Jasper?”
“Because I’ll be here waiting to pick up the pieces. You don’t have to do it all on your own anymore, Wellsy. You got me,” he winked, grinning widely at me that had my own lips tilting upwards into a smile. “I got your back, surfer girl. For infinity.”
Tears started rolling down my cheeks before I could stop them. With those words, Jasper Ridge melted every single nail holding the broken pieces of my heart together. Before I could wipe them away, his thumb was already grazing over my cheek in lazy circles, collecting all the tiny droplets one by one.
“You’re beautiful,” he breathed, eyes lingering on my lips before meeting mine.