Page 34 of Under the Waves
Or maybe that was because my body was broken.
I was broken.
People could always watch from afar and judge, it was what they were made for. One glance determined your worth. But when you were someone like me? You didn’t get second chances—you got rotten fruit thrown at your driveway, eggs splattered across the windows. Whispers and snickers down the street and glares that followed your every footstep. Their judgment was my shadow—I couldn’t escape their opinions, it was like they were a part of me.
How could you be anything but broken when that was all people saw when they looked at you?
“Hola, you must be Poppy! The new surf teacher, right? I’m Josep, but everyone calls me Pepe. My parents own the surf school, which means you have to give me extra special treatment, okay? Or I can have you fired.”
I looked down to find a small seven-year-old boy staring up at me, the same thick Spanish accent tainting his words, though he spoke faster than any kid I had ever heard. I stared at him, not knowing what to do or say.
Every part of my body was stricken almost in shock. He looked so much like…
Push the thoughts away.
Push the thoughts away.
Push the thoughts away.
“Not much of a talker, are you? Papa said you would be like that. He also said I shouldn’t bother you but I’m curious, if you couldn’t tell.” He shrugged and jumped onto the swing seat. The frame rocked and I felt it shudder beneath my fingers.
Say something, Poppy.
I was overflowing with emotions, I couldn’t even get any words out of my mouth. Josep looked like a carbon copy of my little brother. With trembling fingers, I tugged at the skin at the back of my neck.
He isn’t Oliver, Poppy. He isn’t him.
“Well? Are you actually going to teach me something?” he jabbed at me, swinging higher and higher with every push and kick of his legs. It was too high. It didn’t look safe. What if he was flung off and died?
“Watch me Poppy, watch me!” Pepe shouted and before I registered what he was going to do, he waited until the swing reached its highest peak and then pushed himself off the seat. He jumped off, body scrambling in the air for what felt like an entire lifetime. I swear my heart stopped for a full minute as I watched him come crashing down to the ground.
A gasp left my lips as he landed on his feet, but immediately toppled over onto his knees, face skimming the dirt. He cried out and I froze.
Did Oliver cry out like that?
How many hours did he spend shouting for me knowing that each one could’ve been his last?
My eyes began to sting, all my muscles paralyzed.
What if I was the last thing he saw?
The laughs of his older sister having the time of her life out on the waves as he drowned, submerged under the waves and never once coming back up for air.
I wasn’t the best sister to him. If I could go back in time and change places with him, I would in a heartbeat. I would’ve told him I loved him. I would’ve been a better example to him. I would’ve donesomething.
Because now, he was gone, and I was sill here.
And I spent every single second of the day hating myself for it.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?”
I blinked and I must have been dreaming because Jasper Ridge stood in front of me, a small boy holding onto his legs hiding behind him. Dirt covered his knees and a few cuts lined his forearms.
My fingers rested above my wrist as I silently counted my pulse. “What?”
One hundred and seventy two. I needed to get it down. I needed to calm down. Oh God, what if my heart was filling with blood?What if—
Jasper grunted, frustrated with me.Good. Let him be angry. Icould deal with anger. It was better than crying, and over my dead body would I cry in front of him.