Page 53 of Under the Waves
My mom…she would come if she could, I knew that, but I’d feel even more guilty if I put that pressure on her. I demanded nothing of her and I watched as she slaved away, withering in this life. I was so tempted to reach out to her parents,anyone, if it meant relieving her of this financial burden. It still, even now, blew my mind that she was a genuine Italian mafia princess who could’ve had the world and more at her fingertips, yet she walked away from that life and I had no idea why.
I wanted to ask herwhy, I wanted to ask her a thousand questions, but I knew she wouldn’t answer them. Now wasn’t the time.It was never the time.
I cleared my throat. “Why didn’t you go out in the water last night? You stood at the edge like you…like you were afraid of it.”
She looked at me, her expression blank, not giving away anything.
“How do you know that?” her voice was quiet.Too quiet.
“I saw you.” I admitted.
She hesitated. “I…I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what you want me to say to you, Jasper. You found me, so let’s just go back to hating each other’s guts, okay? I’m only here for the next two years and then I’ll leave again, and you can have your town back. This was nothing so just forget it.Please.”
“Nothing?” My brows creased. “This isnotnothing.”
And I didn’t want you to go.Yes, I did. No…I didn’t.
She shook her head. “It is. So, forget it. Forgetme.”
“Ican’t,”I rasped. “You aren’t something that is forgettable, Poppy.”
“Everyone else has no problem doing just that,” she laughed.
“I’m not everyone else.”
Pinching the bridge of her nose, she sighed. “I’m not doing this with you. Just stop it. Stop all of it. You saved me again, happy now? Want to brag about it tomorrow? Tell everyone at school what a freak I am?”
I gaped at her.Fuck. was that what she thought of me?
“You think I would do that?”
Her lips shut tightly. She said nothing and I had my answer.
“I can’t believe you think so little of me.”
“You haven’t given me a reason to think otherwise.”
Wow. I guess she was right about that, though. I hadn’t exactly been the friendliest to her, but to be fair, she hadn’t been to me either. Two wrongs make a green flag,right?
“Jasper…you don’t know anything so just stop trying too.”
Stop trying, Jasper. You’ll never be good enough. Stop trying.
I couldn’t—I physicallycouldn’tstop trying. I was exhausted, but I could not stop. Everyone demanded something of me, whether it be my teammates trusting me to get us to the finals, so they had a shot at getting sponsors, scoring scholarships, and going Pro. To my teachers who demand every inch of sweat out of me over these exams. There was no excuse for bad grades, and they knew I wouldn’t pull the surf card so they started expecting more of me. Every bone in my body ached.Constantly. Every single fucking minute of the day.
My students relied on me to teach them skills that could save their lives one day, and their parents trusted me enough with their children in hopes that I could keep them all alive long enough to see middle school. My mom relied on me to help her around the house and keep myself afloat.
“So,tell me. Tell me everything so I understand.”
“What if I don’t want you to understand?”
“Lying to yourself isn’t good for your health, Wellsy.”
She laughed, barely, but still laughed. I took the small victory and tucked it away in my heart. I wanted to tell her that I only snapped at her on the beach because I was afraid of what she’d think of me. She was the only person who didn’t look at me like an object, didn’t look at me just for the sake ofneedingsomething from me.
I snapped at her at the surf school because those kids were like my family and seeing her there threw me off guard. Especially when Pepe was involved. I didn’t really mean to, it wasn’t me, but she just knew how to get under my skin. It was a fucking talent of hers, I swear.
“You stopped surfing then?” I asked, changing the subject. Concern lined the dark ridges of my eyes.