Page 78 of Under the Waves

“Don’t listen to them, Wellsy. Just look at me.”

“Ican’t.”

I gasped for air.

What would they think of me now?

I was already a selfish murderer, I couldn’t also be a whore in their eyes.

Icouldn’t.

I was wrong before, I wasn’t just broken, I wasshattered.

All the pieces were jumbled up, stuck back together with one of those faulty glue sticks that didn’t really stick.

I was crumbling, again, and again, and again.

Oliver may have drowned butIwas the one left under the waves—I’d been drowning my entirelife, but they didn’t notice. They didn’t see because I wasn’t the one six feet deep under the soil rotting away in a casket. I was the one whosurvived, barely making it through a day without crying or being able to sleep through a full night.

My mom wished it was me instead of Oliver, and you know what, I did too.

I fucking wish it was me too, mom.

I wish I was dead.

I wish.

Sometimes, it made me feel better knowing that he wasn’t here to see just how broken we had all become, too see how mom turned out. I never would’ve wanted him to go through this and I was grateful that he never would.

I squeezed my eyes shut but that only made it worse as pictures of his little smile flooded my mind. He was so young. He would always be so young.

“I know you can,” Jasper’s voice fluttered through my thoughts like a beam of light. After a minute, my eyes flickered open, greeted with that familiar honey-gold pair that felt like home.

“There’s my girl.”

There’s my girl.

“I don’t think I can do this, Jasper.”

“I know you can, and I won’t leave your side until you cansee that you can too. You have me now, okay? And if you ever feel scared, or alone, or even wishing you weren’t here anymore—talk to me, because I am here for you, Poppy. You can try and push me away, but I’ll stay right here. With you.”

“You mean it?” My words came out like more of a broken sob than a whisper.

“Every last word,” he promised. “I know how to get the girl, Wellsy, and the only girl I want to get isyou.”

“What if you already have me?”

“Then I’d say I was the luckiest guy on the fucking planet.”

I bit down on my bottom lip to stop myself from smiling. His thumb came up and trailed the underside of my jaw before gliding over my lip. I released it from between my teeth, smiling freely down at him. I was met with a smile of his own, rosy and beaming.

Jasper’s face paled then, turning serious as he said, “Lia?”

I followed his gaze over my shoulder to where Lia was standing, arms wrapped around her shaking body that was covered in a big, over-sized gray hoodie. Her reddened eyes were wide and glassy as she rubbed her hand over them, sniffling into the sleeve.

“It’s Jakson,” she sobbed, small hands brushing against her trembling lips.

And just like that,