Page 92 of Under the Waves
Jakson winked at me. “I guess Lia’s books have taught me a thing or two. Especially those little red tabs.”
Little red tabs?What?
Jakson laughed at the puzzled expression on my face, waving it off as his smile faded along with the sound of his happiness. “So, little Pops,” he mused, clicking his tongue. “What’s your deep dark secret, hmm? What made you as broken as me?”
“You’re not broken, Jakson,” I whispered, quietly. Truth was, he could very well be as broken as me. Maybe we were as broken as each other, but I wouldn’t know.
I didn’t know him well enough to know.
“Ahh,” he nodded, biting down on his bottom lip. “It’s okay, Poppy. You don’t have to tell me anything. Even if you did, I promise I wouldn’t tell anyone. Jedi’s honor.”
I smiled, picking at my nail beds frantically. “Isn’t it Scout’s honor?”
“Meh. That’s boring. Star Wars is much cooler than scouts. Who wouldn’t want to be a Jedi? That’s just plain stupidity.”
“I wouldn’t know, I haven’t watched many Star Wars movies. I’m more of a Marvel girl myself.”
He mocked a gasp, those widened green eyes looking at me in surprise. “WHAT? How is this even possible, Pops? I’m wounded, I really am. I better knock some sense into that boyfriend of yours. I mean, seriously, how could he let this happen? This is a serious betrayal of our friendship.”
I nodded, biting down on my lips. I should’ve corrected him. I should’ve told him that Jasper and I weren’t each other’s anything, yet alone romantic partners, but instead, I kept my lipsshut. I swallowed down the words, keeping them locked up inside my deep, dark soul.Just like all the other words I keep.
His small smile faded with the growing silence between us. I wasn’t one who hated the silence, and I never really had this need to fill it, but for some reason I found myself wanting to. “I guess…I guess I grew up in the dark, Skywalker.”
I tried to laugh but the sound came out more of a strangled sob.
God, I really was pathetic.
I didn’t want to spill my entire life to him. I couldn’t do that to him. He was lying in a fucking hospital bed for god sake—
Despite how many whispers I’d heard about the boy who breathed sunlight, and truly had a Jedi’s courage when it came to standing up for those who couldn’t, I couldn’t help but notice the small white bandages wrapped across his wrists.
Maybe I was overthinking this.
Maybe he was just cut up by the rocks.
But what if he wasn’t?
What if Hawthorne Hills sunshine protector was really just reflecting everyone else’s light because he was losing all of his own?
Get a grip Poppy.
He isn’t you.
Stop pushing your own problems onto everyone else.
Maybe if you ask him,
maybe he’ll tell you just how deep he cuts.
Then you could go deeper.
Because it will never ever be enough.
What was the point of it all,
if you still aren’t sick enough.
Jakson gazed out of the window, lost inside his own mind—a feeling I knew all too well. After a moment, he replied so quietly I thought I’d imagined it at first. “I grew up in the dark too, Romanoff.”