Page 19 of Playing With Fire
Cass ended the call and stood there for a moment, the weight of Becky’s words settling over her. She didn’t have all the answers, but at least now she had a little more clarity.
When she walked back into the office, Evelyn was dressed and smoothing her hair, her professional mask firmly back in place.
“We should get going,” Evelyn said, her tone brisk. “Busy day ahead.”
Cass nodded, but as their eyes met, she saw the flicker of something unspoken lingering between them.
Cass stood in the doorway, her hand still on the knob, caught in the undertow of emotions she couldn’t fully untangle.Evelyn’s calm, professional demeanor had returned, and Cass felt a pang of frustration at how quickly she seemed to slide back into her armor. It wasn’t fair, of course. Wasn’t Evelyn entitled to protect herself, especially after the mess they’d just created? But that logical voice in Cass’s head was drowned out by the roar of her own uncertainty.
She cleared her throat, stepping further into the room. “Evelyn,” she began, her voice low, hesitant. “About what we said last night… What we did…”
Evelyn glanced up from where she was adjusting her watch, her expression carefully neutral. “I know. It was a mistake.”
The words landed like a punch to Cass’s gut, and for a moment, she couldn’t speak. She wasn’t sure what she’d expected Evelyn to say, but hearing it framed so simply, so definitively stung more than she thought it would.
“A mistake?” Cass repeated, her tone sharper than she intended.
Evelyn’s eyes flickered, betraying a crack in her composure. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just—” She exhaled, her shoulders sagging slightly. “I don’t know how to navigate this, Cass. I’m supposed to be impartial and focused on the job. Last night, it crossed every line.”
“And you think I don’t know that?” Cass shot back, the words spilling out before she could stop them. “You think I haven’t been agonizing over the same damn thing? I’ve spent weeks fighting for this department, for my team, and now I’m supposed to figure out how to fight this”—she gestured vaguely between them—“whatever this is, without losing everything else in the process?”
Evelyn opened her mouth to respond, then closed it again, her jaw tightening. For a long moment, neither of them spoke, the tension between them thick and suffocating.
Cass scrubbed a hand over her face, turning away. She stared at the pullout bed, now stripped of the intimacy it had held mere hours ago, and felt an overwhelming sense of loss.
“I’m not saying it wasn’t real,” Evelyn said quietly, breaking the silence.
Cass froze, her back still to Evelyn. The words hung in the air, fragile and tentative, like they might shatter if handled too carelessly.
“I’m saying I don’t know how to make it work,” Evelyn continued. Her voice was softer now, more vulnerable. “Not when we’re still standing on opposite sides of this fight. I don’t want to hurt you, Cass. But every decision I make, it feels like I’m doing just that.”
Cass turned slowly, meeting Evelyn’s gaze. For the first time, she saw something raw and unguarded there—regret, longing, fear.
“You’re not the only one struggling with this,” Cass said finally, her voice steady despite the storm inside her. “But maybe…” She hesitated, the words catching in her throat. “Maybe the problem isn’t just us. Maybe it’s everything around us. The expectations, the lines we’re supposed to stay inside. Maybe we’re letting all of that decide for us instead of figuring out what we really want.”
Evelyn’s expression softened, and for a moment, Cass thought she might agree. But then she shook her head, her lips pressing into a thin line. “I can’t make promises I don’t know if I can keep.”
Cass felt her heart sink, but she nodded. “Neither can I.”
They stood there, caught in the limbo between what they wanted and what they knew they could have. And as much as it hurt, Cass knew this was where they had to leave it for now.
The tension in the meeting room was palpable as Cass sat at the long table with the other fire captains, her jaw tight and her hands clenched into fists beneath the surface. Evelyn stood at the head of the room, a stack of neatly organized documents in front of her and her usual air of professional detachment firmly in place. She looked calm, composed, and unshakable—the complete opposite of how Cass felt.
“This proposed restructuring,” Evelyn began, her voice cutting through the room like a scalpel, “isn’t about undermining your efforts or diminishing the importance of your work. It’s about sustainability. The department is operating with outdated equipment and practices that, frankly, are no longer financially viable. If we don’t act now, we’ll be facing far more severe consequences in the future.”
The other captains exchanged uneasy glances, but Cass couldn’t hold back. “And if we make these cuts, what happens to response times? What happens when we’re understaffed during a major incident because we’re trying to save a few dollars?”
Evelyn didn’t flinch, her gaze steady as she turned to Cass. “The proposed changes aren’t about cutting corners. They’re about optimizing resources. If we allocate funding more strategically, we can ensure?—”
“Strategically?” Cass cut in, her voice rising. “You’re talking about lives, Evelyn. You can’t optimize a rescue. You can’t calculate the worth of a life in dollars and cents.”
The room grew quieter, the tension between them drawing everyone’s attention. Evelyn’s jaw tightened, and for the first time, there was a flicker of emotion in her eyes—anger, frustration, or something else Cass couldn’t quite place.
“Captain Harris,” Evelyn said evenly, her tone sharper now, “I understand your passion, but passion alone doesn’t keep a department running. If we don’t adapt to the realities of our budget, there won’tbea department to protect anymore.”
Cass pushed back her chair abruptly, standing. “Then maybe the problem isn’t the department. Maybe it’s the people who think they know better than the ones who actually do the work.”
The other captains shifted uncomfortably, some murmuring in agreement, others remaining silent. Cass didn’t care. She wasn’t going to let Evelyn bulldoze over her team, her family, without a fight.