Page 24 of Playing With Fire
Cass stood in front of her team later that afternoon, talking through the schedule for the night shift, but her mind was a million miles away. The words felt foreign in her mouth, ahollow echo of what they used to mean. It was as if she were playing a part in a role she didn’t quite believe in anymore. The firehouse had always been her purpose. But now, the fire inside her was flickering, weakening with every passing day without Evelyn.
The door to the room opened with a soft creak, and Cass instinctively turned her head, her heart leaping into her throat before she could even register who it was. Of course it wasn’t Evelyn. It was Hallie, poking her head inside, looking concerned, as always.
“Cass, can we talk?” Hallie asked, stepping into the room with that same soft concern that had been there during their last conversation.
Cass glanced at her team. They were all focused, their attention diverted. She nodded, stepping away from the briefing to meet Hallie in the hallway.
“I didn’t want to bug you,” Hallie said quietly, once they were out of earshot. “But I can see something’s eating at you. And I know you’re trying to pretend it’s not, but you’re not fooling anyone.”
Cass let out a short, humorless laugh. “You’re the second person who’s said that today,” she muttered, running a hand through her hair. “I’m fine, Hallie. Just trying to get through this shift, okay?”
Hallie raised an eyebrow, clearly not buying it. “Cass, listen. I know you’re tough, but that doesn’t mean you have to do everything on your own. If you need to talk, you know I’m here.”
“I just need to focus on the job,” Cass snapped, frustrated with the emotions she couldn’t quite manage. “That’s all. So just drop it.”
Hallie didn’t say anything for a moment, then gently placed a hand on Cass’s arm. “You know I’m not going to drop it, right?” she said, her voice low and understanding. “You can’t just pusheverything down and expect it to disappear. If it’s about Evelyn, it’s okay to talk about it. You don’t have to pretend like it’s not affecting you. Because it is, and I can see it.”
Cass flinched at the mention of Evelyn, her chest tightening. “I’m done with that,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I made my choice.”
Hallie studied her for a long moment, then finally nodded, stepping back. “Okay. But just remember, you don’t have to go through this alone. Whenever you’re ready to talk, I’ll be here.”
Cass watched her leave, the weight of her words sinking deep inside her. She was right, of course. Cass had tried to bury everything, tried to focus on the firehouse and push aside what had happened with Evelyn. But she couldn’t escape the truth. Even if she refused to admit it, a part of her was still tethered to that connection, still aching for something that had been torn away.
Maybe I made a mistake.The thought floated to the surface, uninvited but impossible to ignore.
But no matter how much she wanted to reach out, no matter how much she wanted to fix everything, she couldn’t. Her pride wouldn’t let her. She had made the decision. She had ended it. And she couldn’t take it back now.
Or could she?
Cass turned her attention back to the firehouse, the noise, the orders, the routine. For now, it was all she had. But deep inside, she knew the fight for both the department and her own heart was far from over.
Cass sat at her desk in the quiet of the firehouse, the distant hum of the station’s activities slipping through the cracks ofher awareness. The weight of the morning’s call had long since worn off, but it had been replaced by something heavier, darker. It wasn’t the kind of weight that could be shaken off with a simple drink or a few hours of sleep. No, this was something deep within her—a slow, gnawing realization that she had lost everything.
She had lost Evelyn. That was the most glaring truth. Evelyn, the one person who had entered her life with the force of a storm, turning everything upside down. That moment in the office, the way they had collided felt so intense, so full of potential. Cass had let herself believe that despite the professional tension between them, despite all the walls they had put up, something real had sparked. But she had pushed it all away. She had told herself that it was the right thing to do, that she couldn’t let personal feelings cloud her judgment, not when the future of the department was on the line. She’d convinced herself that she could walk away from it, and now, every moment that passed seemed like another confirmation that she had made a mistake.
Evelyn was gone. The one person who had made her feel alive in a way she hadn’t in years was slipping further away from her with every passing day. The anger, the pride, the bitterness—it had all clouded Cass’s vision. And now, there was nothing left but the hollow ache of regret. Every argument, every sharp word she had thrown at Evelyn had only served to deepen the distance between them.
But that wasn’t all she had lost.
She had lost her team. The people she had come to think of as family. They had always been her top priority—her rock, her responsibility. She had always prided herself on the way she led them, how they trusted her, how she protected them from the dangers of the job and the bureaucracy that threatened to tear them down. But now, Cass couldn’t shake the feeling thatshe was failing them too. The department was on the verge of collapse. The cuts that Evelyn had insisted on were becoming inevitable.
Every time she saw a disappointed glance from one of her crew members, every time Hallie looked at her with concern, Cass felt like she was letting them down. They depended on her. They needed her to be strong, to be decisive, to stand up for them, and yet here she was, torn apart, lost in a mess of her own making. How could she protect them when she couldn’t even protect herself?
And it wasn’t just the department she was failing; it was the legacy of Chief Becky Thompson. The one person who had mentored her, who had believed in her, even when Cass hadn’t believed in herself. Becky had trusted her to take up the mantle, to keep the department strong, to safeguard everything it stood for. But now, Cass felt like she was betraying her in the worst way possible.
Becky had always been there, steady and unshakeable, an example of what it meant to lead with honor and integrity. And Cass? Cass had been caught up in the mess of her emotions and her personal turmoil, letting everything she cared about slip away.
What would Becky think of me now?The thought clawed at Cass’s mind. She could practically hear Becky’s voice in her head, that steady, no-nonsense tone telling her to snap out of it. To not let her emotions cloud her judgment, to focus on the job, toprotecther team. But that was where Cass had failed. She had let her emotions get the better of her, let the pull of something personal distract her from the one thing she had always excelled at: her duty.
She had always believed that she could balance everything and that she could compartmentalize her personal life and her professional life. But now, it seemed so naive. How could shehave thought that? How could she have been so blind to the truth—that everything she had worked so hard for could slip through her fingers so easily?
And worst of all, there was the lingering, gnawing fear that she might lose her job. With the cuts coming down the pipeline, with the city breathing down her neck, there was a real chance that her position as captain might be on the line. She had always prided herself on her leadership, but now, with the department in turmoil, with the weight of all these changes, she wasn’t sure if she could hold on. Not if she couldn’t hold it together. Not if she couldn’t make the right decisions when it mattered the most.
The sense of helplessness was suffocating. There were too many things slipping out of her control, too many pieces falling apart. She didn’t even know where to begin picking up the pieces. All she knew was that, right now, she couldn’t see the way forward.
Cass stared out the window, the gray sky reflecting the heavy fog that clouded her mind. The city seemed distant and the streets empty, as though mirroring the emptiness she felt inside. She had tried so hard to be strong, to do the right thing, but now it felt like everything she had built was crumbling beneath her feet.
The station felt different these past few days—heavier, quieter. Her team had noticed the tension, though no one dared to ask what was wrong. They probably thought it was just the stress of the budget cuts looming over them, but Cass knew better.