Page 73 of Beautiful Crazy
Are they both right?
“Let me ask you this,” Charley adds. “You told us that you’re freaking out about what he said. Why?” Before I can answer, she cuts me off, holding up a finger. “And don’t just give us some generic bullshit answer. Really think about why him telling you that would freak you out.”
Spotting our server coming this way, I use this opportunity to down the rest of my mimosa, clearly needing another if we’re going to get down to the nitty-gritty of my damn feelings this afternoon. After she comes and picks up our empty glasses, I let out another deep breath.
“Because what if it doesn’t work out?” The question feels like an admission. It feels like my heart is flayed out in front of three of the most important people in my life, and I hate how uncomfortably vulnerable I feel because of it.
“But what if it does?” Grace challenges. “Of course, there’s a chance it could not work out, but what if it does?”
“What if Sutton gets attached, and then it doesn’t workout?” My throat tightens and the backs of my eyes sting. “He’s been through enough loss for one lifetime.”
“Honey, that boy is already attached,” Grace says softly. “And that’s not a bad thing. If I had to guess, I’d say that Everett is also attached, not just to you, but to your son too. It is so obvious to everyone, except you, apparently, that he cares about y’all. I can’t imagine what it must feel like to lose a partner the way you did, Gem, and I can’t even begin to imagine what moving on from something like that must feel like. Your fears and concerns are one hundred percent valid, but I think getting attached and having feelings aren’t the worst things in the world. At least not in this situation.”
“Grace is right,” Georgia murmurs. “He’s one of the good ones, babe. It’s okay to let yourself feel. It’s okay to want more than what you’ve allowed yourself thus far. You deserve the world, and exactly like you said with Sutton, you’ve been through enough in your lifetime. You’ve been strong and brave and responsible. It’s okay to be scared, but don’t let that fear hold you back from a really great thing.”
Wiping away a stray tear that spilled over my cheek, I breathe out a laugh. “I didn’t come here today to cry.”
Sharing a laugh, we all take a drink of fresh mimosas. I look out onto the sand, where Sutton is still flying his kite. The smile on his face is wide, and his shoulders shake with laughter as he nearly runs into his cousin. He’s such a happy, good kid.
Maybe my sisters are right.
Maybe it’s okay to allow myself to want more. Being around Everett makes me so happy, it makes Sutton happy, so why not let myself bask in that feeling?
Thirty
Everett
It’s a dreary day, the rain pattering against the window as I sit beside my mom’s hospital bed. My eyes burn from exhaustion. I’m hoping I’m able to get a decent night’s sleep tonight, now that I know she’s going to be okay.
My father couldn’t have been more vague when he called me Saturday night, and then by the time I got packed and was sitting at the airport, he wasn’t responding to my messages, so I had no clue what I was walking in on when I touched down in Seattle. Most of yesterday was spent waiting for my mom to get out of surgery, and then waiting some more for her to come out of anesthesia.
She’s sleeping right now, and my dad left early this morning to go to the office. Apparently, not even his wife in the hospital is enough for him to take a personal day. I’m trying to not let it get to me, but I’ve been agitated and on edge all day. Looking at the clock on the wall, I decide tostep out and call Gemma. She’s been checking in, and I just haven’t had the time to give her a full update.
Out in the hall, there’s a small waiting room at the end that’s mostly empty. Taking a seat on one of the chairs that overlooks the city, I pull out my phone and hit call on her contact. With the time difference, it’s almost seven there.
Thankfully, it only rings a couple of times before her sweet voice comes through the speaker.
“Hey, you,” she says softly, making my heart beat a little faster.
“Hey,” I breathe out, feeling my shoulders relax.
“How are you holding up?”
“I’m all right. Exhausted, but good.”
“And your mom?”
I like how I can tell she genuinely wants to know; she isn’t asking just to be nice.
“She’s good,” I reply, scrubbing a hand down my face. “She’s sleeping right now, but she was awake earlier today and doing well.”
“Did you ever find out what happened?”
“Yeah, once she finally woke up after surgery.” I release a heavy sigh. My dad wasn’t at home when it happened, so he had no clue, which was more than a little frustrating. “I guess she was leaving the house for her evening walk, but the concrete steps leading down to the road were slick because it had just rained. She lost her footing and fell down the six or seven steps there are. She bruised her tailbone pretty badly, and broke her wrist trying to catch herself.”
“Shit,” Gemma breathes out. “I’m so glad she didn’t hit her head or get more seriously injured.”
“I know, she’s lucky. She’ll have some gnarly bruising for a while, but she should be able to go home tomorrow. The doctors just wanted to be able to keep an eye on her for a full twenty-four hours after the surgery.”