Page 64 of Game Misconduct
“What? Too honest?”
“No, I... I miss you too.”
“So come on, Danny, why haven’t youcalledme?” Mike sounded so plaintive and so goddamn young that Danny fucking hated himself.
“I’ve been—”
“Busy. Yeah. I know.”
“No. Ashamed. I’ve been ashamed.”
“Babe...”Maybe it was the alcohol, but Mike’s low, rough voice was so goddamn warm Danny could almost feel it on his skin, like he’d felt Mike’s fingers for days after he’d landed back in Pittsburgh. “You don’t gotta be, okay? Not with me. I was worried, I’m still worried, but like—don’t be ashamed, I, you’re, I fucking...” Danny waited, unsure where he was going with this, but evidently whatever it’d been, he couldn’t get there.
Mike laughed, suddenly, and then said, resigned, “Too many confessions for one night, dude, andI’mnot drunk enough.”
“How do you mean?”
“New year, new me, right? So I told Bee about me. I said it, out loud, Danny, I actually said it.”
“Yeah?”
“She was, she was...it was good. I still can’t fucking believe I did it, but she—nothing’s changed. I mean, it’s changed. But not in a bad way. But the point I’m tryna make, thepoint, is, Danny, Danny, you don’t have to be embarrassed around me, okay? Jesus. All right. While I’m sharing my fuckingfeelingstonight, fuck. Okay, here goes: I really like you. Like, I really,reallylike you. Like I haven’t hated you for...months and months.”
“Mike—”
“Yeah, I know, I’ll still fuckin’ smash your face in if you make fun of me for it, okay?”
“God, Mike. You’re something else.”
“One of a fuckin’ kind, right?”
Danny was smiling, despite himself, in the dark. Because it was true. Because he really was, and because Danny, like a fool, was head over heels for him. “You are. Jesus, Mike. Wish we could’ve been in the same place for this. So I could kiss you at midnight.”
“Don’t worry,” Mike said, voice intense with the kind of dumb, expansive bravado that had drawn Danny to him in the first place. “I’ll make it up to you next time I see you.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, I fucking promise. Next time I’ll fuck you untilyoucry, how’s that sound?”
“It—it sounds good. Really good.” Danny let his head fall back against the wall. Hit it with athunk. He felt strange: he knew exactly how big a step it had been for Mike to do this, to say these things, to tell Morin, but he felt the more Mike grew into his own skin, the more comfortable he got on the ice, the less he’d need Danny. Things would come to an end soon, and that was the way it should be, even if it was going to hurt. “You had a big night, babe.”
“It’s weird,” Mike was saying, and Danny could almost see the dopey grin he probably had on his face, “It was all good shit, mostly, but I kind of feel like I want to just fucking like—scream, you know? How the fuck do people process all of this shit like all the time?”
I drink, Danny thought, but what he said was, “You could probably scream if you wanted to. It’s New Year’s, no one would care.”
“Hah, that’s all I fucking need, getting arrested for, like, causing a public disturbance or something—oh, hey, that’s the New Year, I think. Hey. Imissyou. I wish you were fucking here, Danny. I fucking do.”
I love you, Danny thought, but what he said was, “Wish I was there too, kid. Hey, Happy New Year. Go have fun with your friends, all right? I’ll catch up with you tomorrow.”
“Danny...”
“Yeah?”
“Danny, take it easy tonight, okay? I’ll see you.”
He wanted to say it. He really wanted to say it. “G’night, Mike.”
He stood out there staring at his phone, the image he had saved as Mike’s contact photo. He’d taken it in Philly. It was Mike, shirtless in bed, muscles straining as he tried to wriggle away, his hands over his face like he was trying to ward off the camera. He was laughing. You couldn’t see his eyes, just his mouth, parted, grinning. Danny had been sitting on his hips, pinning him down. You couldn’t see that, either. The picture faded and the phone locked.