Page 57 of A Sea of Unspoken Things

Nineteen

Over the next two days, I called Autumn a total of six times and texted her twice.

I’d done my best to leave messages that wouldn’t scare her off from calling me back. But still, I hadn’t heard from her. Now, I was sitting in the 4Runner with the engine running and Smoke sleeping in the back, watching the diner like a psychopath.

All day, people had been trickling back into town with blue and white paint smeared on their car windows from the melting flurries in the air. The team had won the game and the banner erected in the post office window had been switched out with one that said,Well Done, Cougars.

Teenage boys climbed out of the cars one by one as they arrived, but I was waiting for one in particular—Ben Cross.

I watched the glass windows of the diner over the steering wheel, a chaotic hoard of complete and utter insanity on a loop in my mind. The minutes ticked by as I compulsively tapped through the long list of voicemails on Johnny’s phone, listening to each one.

There weren’t any messages from Autumn’s unsaved number, and a majority of the voicemails were automated recordings fromtelemarketers or scammers. I propped my elbow on the edge of the car door window so that I could rest my forehead against my hand as I listened to the next one. After a few seconds, I was already hitting delete.

I was so unbelievably tired. Of all of it. The grief, the questions, the unknown corners of Johnny’s life. I absently tapped the next message in the queue, and when I heard a voice I recognized, I looked down, realizing it was Micah’s number. His name was at the top of the screen.

Hey, Johnny.There was a long pause.Look—I know we’re not talking, but I need you to call me back. I’m worried.Another long pause.Text me, whatever. Just get in touch. Then you can go back to being pissed.

My elbow slipped from the window and I leaned forward, opening the details of the message. It was from the day Johnny died.

My eyes lifted to the windshield and I watched the wipers catch the snow, pushing it across the glass. Then I played it again.

Hey, Johnny.Look—I know we’re not talking…

I paused the message, brow furrowing. Olivia had said that Johnny and Micah were on the outs, but Micah had brushed it off when I asked.

I hit play.

…but I need you to call me back. I’m worried.Text me, whatever. Just get in touch. Then you can go back to being pissed.

The message ended, but Micah’s voice was still echoing in my mind. By the time he had left that message he’d probably called Johnny several times. He sounded worried, but there was also a weight to the words, like whatever was going on between them wasn’t just two friends who’d known each other all their lives blowing off some steam. This felt like something different.

Ben’s gray truck finally pulled up along the curb, parking illegally, and I sat up, hands hooked to the wheel. After a few seconds, he got out.

His eyes were fixed on the illuminated screen of his phone as he crossed the street, earbuds in with an apron thrown over his shoulder. He was starting his shift.

I waited for almost ten minutes before I finally got out of the4Runner, attempting and failing to talk myself out of what I was about to do. The door slammed behind me and I crossed the street, dodging icy puddles and pulling my thin jacket tighter around me. The diner was still bustling when I ducked out of the cold, tugging my scarf from around my neck. Behind the bar, a woman I’d seen once before was ringing up a couple at the register.

I took the stool at the end of the counter, opening the menu in front of me and pretending to look it over. The bell jingled as the two women left, and a few seconds later, Ben came through the swinging door to the kitchen. I watched as he started clearing the table, thinking that every time I saw him, I saw more of Johnny. Except for those eyes—a piercing blue that made him look so much like Sadie. Even in the shadow that seemed to always be beneath them.

I couldn’t help but also measure him against the description Olivia had given me. She’d called himfragile,and looking at him now, therewassomething that felt true about that, though I didn’t know exactly what it was.

He made his way down the counter, but he didn’t look at me, refilling the bowl of lemons beside the iced tea dispenser with a pair of tongs.

“Hey, Ben?” I kept my voice down, trying to avoid the attention of the women seated down the bar.

He glanced over his shoulder, those brilliant, glassy eyes catching the light. When he realized I was the one who’d called his name, his gaze moved over the diner slowly. Like maybe it was a mistake.

“Yeah?” He had that sheepish look again, like he thought he was in trouble.

I set down the menu, trying to figure out what to do with my hands. “I had a question for you, if you have a sec?”

He seemed to consider me for a moment before he left the lemons and came to stand in front of me. He leaned into the counter with both hands, making me aware of just how tall he was. Nearly as tall as Micah. I hadn’t really gotten a good look at him up close. He was handsome and even looked a bit older than he was. But it wasn’t mybrother’s face that flashed through my mind when I looked up at him this time. It was Griffin’s.

“Can I get something for you?” he said.

The kitchen door swung open and Sadie came out, bracing a tall stack of plates in her arms. Without even looking where she was going, she slid them onto the counter beside the register.

I turned my body slightly away from her. “You know Autumn Fischer, right?”