Page 74 of A Sea of Unspoken Things
A white-hot anger rose up in me and immediately, my instinct to defend my brother was there again. But as I stood there, tracing the echoes of Johnny in Ben’s face, I struggled to find fault with Sadie. She had her reasons for not wanting Johnny to be Ben’s father, and I couldn’t deny that at least some of them might have been valid.
“So, why were you arguing that night?” I asked.
Ben hesitated. “Johnny wanted to talk. Autumn and I had already broken up, but she was the only one I’d told about it, so she came with me. But Johnny just kept saying that he wanted to get a test, and I don’t know. I just got freaked out. Told him to leave me alone. To stop calling me.”
So, that’s why Autumn had been at Johnny’s that night and also why Ben had been acting so strange toward me since I got to Six Rivers. I couldn’t imagine what all of this had been like for him. Finally getting answers only for Johnny to be ripped from his life before he could even wrap his head around it.
“Doesn’t matter now, I guess,” he said, reading my mind. “It’s too late.”
His eyes flicked up and there was that flash in them again. An almost imperceptible glint that I could swear I’d seen a million times. It was like seeing my brother from a far distance.
“That day you came by Johnny’s, did you take something from his desk?”
Slowly, Ben’s eyes widened.
I lifted up an open hand. “You’re not in trouble. But I think I know what you took.”
He stared at me, jaw clenching.
“I just want to know why.”
He searched my face, as if looking for reassurance.
“It’ll stay between us. I promise.”
He sighed, shifting on his feet. “I kind of…broke into Johnny’s cabin last summer.”
“What?”
Again, his eyes dropped to the pavement. “I don’t really know what I was looking for. I guess some kind of proof that he was my dad. But I saw that note from Autumn and I just…Things with her had been different.Shewas different, hanging out with Johnny a lot, and I was…I don’t know. I was jealous.”
I waited.
“I started to think that maybe something was going on between them, and when I asked her about it, she was pissed. But I didn’t believe her.”
Slowly, I was putting it together. This is where the rumors had started, I thought. Not with Sadie. It was Ben.
“I saw the note on the board by his desk and I knew Autumn had written it.” Now he looked embarrassed. “I told my mom that I thought Autumn was hooking up with Johnny. I knew she was going to break up with me and, I don’t know, I guess I just wanted to get back at them both.”
“Why would you need to get back at Johnny?”
“Because hedidchange everything for Autumn. He’s the reason she wanted to leave. The reason she applied to Byron.” He swallowed. “I didn’t want anything to change.”
I couldn’t help but wonder if that’s how Micah had felt. When I left Six Rivers, he hadn’t said a word. He hadn’t argued or tried to stop me. He’d barely even said goodbye.
“So, why’d you come back and take the note?”
“Ever since what happened to Johnny, I’ve felt bad about starting the rumors about him. It never really died out. I just didn’t want anyone to find that note and think it was, like, confirmation or whatever.”
My mouth twisted. Olivia was right about this kid. He was fragile. But in the end, he’d been trying to protect Johnny like the rest of us.
Micah’s truck pulled up in front of Amelia’s office, the engine roaring and tailpipe pumping a steady stream of exhaust.
“Ben, I want you to tell me honestly. Do you believe Autumn was having a romantic relationship with Johnny?” I tried to keep my tone even, my stare fixed on his face.
“No.” He paused. “At least, I don’t think so.”
I let out a long, heavy breath, my hands finally unclenching. Ben got into the truck, pulling out onto the street, and I watched him drive away before I made my way to Micah’s truck. Smoke was in the cab, and I opened the door and climbed inside. Micah had already clocked the cut on my face before I had my seatbelt on.