Page 36 of Coach Sully
“I gotta grab another mic from the van,” Lance announces. “Be right back.”
He couldn’t have done that earlier?
“Okay!” I say, unaffected and not at all nervous about being left alone in a hotel room with Lee Sullivan. “We’ll get you set up here.” I adjust the angle of the chair. “We’ll go through some more questions, just be honest and share your thoughts, no matter what they are.” I flip on the lights and check the lighting and background, wanting a different angle than Amy. “We’ll get started as soon as Lance returns.”
Then I notice he has a couple water bottles. He hands one to me. “Drink this.” It feels like a trap.
“Oh. No, thanks. I’m good. Got my coffee.” I nod to the cup of cold coffee on the desk.
“I wasn’t asking, Kendra.”Excuse me?“Drink it. You’re dehydrated.”
I grab the laptop and sit on the edge of the bed, trying to look busy.
He steps between my legs and takes the laptop from me. His warm huge hand cups my cheek, and I can’t bring myself to pull away. He swipes his thumb across my lips.
“Your lips are dry.”
My gaze falls to his mouth, and my tongue betrays me by peeking out and lightly touching the tip of his thumb. He bites his lip, and I swear I hear a slight rumble in his chest.
“Do you want to kiss me?” I ask, then cringe at the impulsive thought that came out of my mouth. I can’t even respect my own limits. Though, if he tried, I can say with certainty I wouldn’t have the strength to stop him. It seems I can only hold boundaries when there’s a screen between us. Because right now, all I can think about is if I was the last person he kissed?
He blows out a breath, staring into my eyes. After too long, he clears his throat and says, “Drink the water, Kendra.”
I desperately want to be swallowed up by this hotel carpet. “Shit. I’m so embarrassed.” I look away and place my laptop in front of me again, wanting to hide. As if this thin Airbook could somehow provide me any defense against him. “I don’t know why I said that.” I told him weneeded distance, then asked if he wanted to kiss me.What the fuck was I thinking?I wasn’t! Of course he rejected me. I shouldn’t be upset. No. No, actually, this is good. I’m glad he prevented it from going any further.
“Don’t be. If I kissed you now, I wouldn’t be able to stop.”
He unscrews the cap on the water bottle and hands it to me. I take it from him and feel his eyes on me as I swallow every drop.
After leaping from the shower, I drop to my knees at the toilet and heave. There’s nothing for my stomach to reject, but that doesn’t stop it from trying. I bring my head under the tap and gulp water to give my stomach something. My body shakes as I pull toilet paper from the roll and wipe the spit from my mouth. It’s time to see a doctor.
The last few days have been spent throwing up on and off while battling the worst exhaustion I’ve ever experienced. I feel awful. Is it burnout? Is it stress from the show? It’s the first time I’ve had a role this big. Jeremy is mostly managing the budget, but I’m the producer on-site. Maybe I don’t have the stamina for a role this big.
Fuck that, I want this. I can do it. This is simply growing pains.
I stand and rinse my mouth out, then brush my teeth for the second time today.
It’s been a month since I interviewed Sully at the hotel, and after he rejected my kiss, it’s been easier to maintain a professional distance. A line was crossed when he swept his thumb over my lips, but he’s been respectful of my space since.
If only I could find my energy again and start feeling better. Sully has been warning me about this. Eat well, drink water, get sleep. I haven’t been good about any of those things unless he’s right in front of me with a plate of food or bottle of water, which has become a routine we’ve fallen into. He doesn’t say a word, simply hands me a plate of food or my water bottle, and we go about the day. I admit, my work-life balance isn’t healthy, but throwing myself into my job feels much safer than sitting alone with my thoughts. So sometimes I forget to eat, and lately, even when I do remember, I’m often too nauseous to have an appetite.
Once the shakes subside, I return to my shower to finish combing through the conditioner in my hair. After rinsing, I promptly turn off the water. My legs are tired, and it feels like somebody turned up the gravity. I’m exhausted, and my limbs are heavy.
My phone beeps with a notification. I glance at the screen as I dry myself off.You’ve forgotten to log your period.
I roll my eyes. Wait. When was my last period? I unlock the phone and open the app. Scrolling through the calendar for too long. I forgot to log the last one too. I haven’t missed two periods, have I? Can’t be. The stress of this show has me so distracted I don’t even remember. These days I’m so lethargic I’m running on empty all the time. I’m constantly in a daze, just trying to get through the day, but how the fuck would this get by me? Why can’t I remember?
I blot my hair and stare in the mirror at my reflection. I can’t be pregnant; I had my tubes tied when I was nineteen. Whatif this is something more serious… like cancer or some uterine cyst. I shake my head. I’m getting ahead of myself.
With a towel still wrapped around me, I shuffle into the kitchen for a sleeve of crackers to bring back to bed. I’ve come to learn the nausea comes on strongest when I haven’t eaten. Between being sick and everything else in my life, I need to see a doctor so I can get this under control, whatever it is, because it’s starting to worry me. God, this is such a pain in the ass. I pull out my phone and call the doctor’s office. They put me on hold. I drop the towel and crawl naked under the covers. I just need a couple minutes more of sleep before I get dressed.
Finally, someone answers and I’m able to make an appointment for this afternoon. I email Rachel and Pierce to let them know I won’t be in today. Maybe I can get some work done from home. Thankfully, Sully is traveling with the team to some training facility this week and due to the nature of their training and clients, we weren’t able to secure a film permit. Which means my mornings are a little slower until the Rogues come home. My boobs are sore, which means I will probably get my period any day now. Probably late because of whatever flu I’m fighting.
I shove another cracker into my mouth. I’m not pregnant.
That’s impossible.
The nurse takes my vitals and asks for a urine sample before the doctor sees me. Why is peeing into a cup so difficult? I had to pee before I walked into this bathroom, but all of a sudden, my bladder forgot I had to piss so bad? I close my eyes and visualize waterfalls and dripping water. That finally works.