Page 83 of Fight
“No,feelme.” She guides my wrist between her thighs, then rises to her knees and uses my fingers to part her lips. She’s soaked. I swallow and feel the chaos subsiding.
“Play with your nipples,” I say, directing her back to her breasts. Then I return to toy with her clit. I grip my cock at the base and press it to her entrance, pausing and glancing up at her for permission.
She gives it to me by saying, “I’m with you,” then lowering herself inch by inch until I’m fit snug inside. Her soft moans call out to me, bringing me into the present with her.Fuck.
The destructive thoughts dissipate, worries settle into a calm pool, and anxiety is replaced by need. She dampens all the noise in my head. The air is no longer hot and suffocating, it’s cool and restorative.
This woman may have the capacity to drive me crazy, but she also holds the power to make me sane.
“You’re breathtaking, baby.”
A smile spreads across her lips, and she relaxes ever so slightly. Every part of her is incredible, but at this moment, her heart is what has me in awe. She’s more than her jaw-dropping looks and captivating personality, she’s good and decent to hercore. Scottie cares about others in ways that are selfless and genuine.
She gyrates her hips, pushing me deeper, and I cup her waist, as she uses her body to rescue me.
The feelings I have for Scottie aren’t love, but they’resomething.
She says she hasn’t experienced the real thing yet, and maybe I haven’t either. But there’s zero doubt in my mind we could find it together. Because one thing is certain, sooner or later, Iwilllove her.
DAY 5 - THE DESCENT
We packed up the night before, knowing we’d need to be ready to go before the sun came up. My fingers tremble. I’m scared to leave, of what might happen, not just on our hike, but for what the future holds for us. Our relationship has only ever existed in fire towers and dorms. Forced proximity. Can we exist in the real world too? Merging this dreamlike version with reality makes me uneasy, but I’ve spent a lot of my life scared, and that’s no way to live. I have to trust us to make it work.
I’m adjusting my warmed socks over my ankles while Callahan spreads out the embers in the wood stove. Watching him gives me goose bumps. It’s the first time we’ve woken in the morning to put out the fire rather than feed it. My stomach churns. I have total confidence in him to get us safely down the mountain, but it doesn’t erase the trepidation of our endeavor.
After proudly rigging up my hiking boots with chain and paracord, he set my DIY-crampon’d boots near the wood stove last night so they’d be toasty when we start our journey home.
“Still with me?” he asks without looking over his shoulder.
I pull my lips into a tight smile. “Mm-hm.”
“It’s gonna be okay.”
“I know.”
He turns and squeezes my toes and hands me two plastic bags to wrap them in. “Did you eat?” he asks, referring to the energy bars we laid out for breakfast. If I eat it now, I might throw up. I’m afraid to walk away from the safety of the lookout, but we can’t stay here. We’re out of water, and there’s an opening in the weather, so we absolutely have to leave, but with each step, I’ll be closer to the things I’ve been running from.
“It’s in my pocket.” I push my bagged feet into the heated boots, lacing them up on the rug. I stand, the chains underneath feeling unfamiliar. “Are you nervous?”
“Nope. It’s going to be slow moving through the snow in the beginning, but as we descend, things will get easier. We’re just taking a morning hike, that’s all this is.”
It’s just a hike.
We’re bundled up using extra clothes. Cal is making me take the gloves, but he’s got a couple pairs of wool socks on his hands as mittens. Ridiculous, but there’s no use in arguing with him. Shadows dance around the room as we gear up. I hoist my pack over my shoulders, and he tucks my water in the side pocket.
I pull up my hood, he slides the headlamp over his hat, and our eyes meet. He tilts my chin up and slants his head to kiss me.
“Let’s go home,” he says with a smile.
I nod. “Home.”
Callahan was right. We’re hiking in total darkness through deep snow reaching the top of my thighs. This is hard, but it would have been a hell of a lot harder if he hadn’t scouted it yesterday,making tracks for us to follow. Being shorter than him makes it more difficult, and I do my best to keep up, but I find myself wanting to stop and stare at the sky. I forgot how deep the universe is, the astronomical abyss goes on forever. Without cloud cover or landscapes, the stars appear closer than ever. It’s otherworldly. The Milky Way is as bright as I’ve ever seen it.
The wind still has me squinting, but it’s nothing like it was when we first arrived. The snowy terrain twinkles like glitter in my peripheral when Cal’s headlamp or my flashlight—that we stole,sorry—catches the light. It’s like staring into static, which confuses my depth perception when the sky is sparkling just as much. It’s impossible to see where the heavens and earth meet. The lack of horizon makes this expedition incredibly disorienting.
“Need a break?” he asks.
My mouth is dry. “I’m good.”